A City Apart
by Nostalgia-in-Starlight
Summary: Jacob is just another juvenile delinquent on the streets, one who has no reason for living. When he meets a green eyed boy whose everyday is a miracle, he learns that even though they are a city apart, there are things worth living for. J/E.
1. Chapter 1

**A City Apart**

**Chapter 1**

_"Quil! Get a hold of yourself!" Jacob Black hissed, only to be greeted by hysterical laughter. He cringed inwardly at the noise as it echoed down the grimy alley. "Quil!" But Quil wasn't sober enough to comprehend the words hissed at him and Jacob was left to scowl in exasperation as he stepped forward and grabbed Quil by the arm._

_ "Jake," Quil giggled as he was dragged through the alley, "I do love it when you're rough with me."_

_ "Not now, Quil," Jacob pressed as he scanned the dimly lit street ahead of them with dark, wary eyes. They were in dangerous territory, one patrolled by the meanest of gangs. It was, however, the quickest route home, and Jacob had decided to chance it._

_ "But Jake...," Quil slurred happily as he followed unsteadily behind Jacob._

_ "Qu...," Jacob started, fending off Quil as he leaned in for a sloppy kiss. Somewhere down the street, a purr of an engine crept its way to Jacob's sharp ears. Quietly, almost silently, but there._

_ Jacob searched frantically for the nearest hideaway and dashed into an alley, but turned too late when he realized that Quil had not followed. Heart pounding in fear, he made to step back out but was frozen to the spot by the headlights that suddenly flooded the street. "Quil!" he managed to hiss, but too late. The drunken grin that Quil turned at him transformed into a mask of pure agony when three distinct gunshots pierced the air. Jacob watched in horror as Quil toppled to the ground, faintly heard the car drive off, and only felt numbness when he dropped to his knees beside the only person that had ever truly meant anything to him._

_ "Quil," he whispered brokenly. _God there was so much red_. Quil shifted weakly when Jacob grasped his hand. _God there was so much red._ "Quil, no." _So much red_. Quil mouthed something at him, but Jacob couldn't understand it. He could only see the sadness in Quil's eyes. The sadness, and the acceptance. _Red. _"Quil, I..." love you, he thought, but it came out as, "I'm sorry." His heart burned, turned to ashes. Quil's eyes close, never to open again, and... _God, why was there so much blood?

~o~

The bottle shattered against the wall, and it was a satisfying sound, enough to break the memory. But the sound of broken glass sprinkling the floor drew unwanted footfalls. "Jacob?" Embry's voice asked from behind him. Slightly wary, mostly weary.

"Go away," Jacob muttered, eyes clenched. His thoughts were traitorous. He wasn't supposed to remember. Embry's presence did not shift. He did not go away.

"Leave me alone!" Jacob yelled this time. He faintly heard a sigh before feeling Embry retreat. Opening his eyes, Jacob glared at the sliver of sunlight streaking between the curtains of his otherwise dark and cluttered room and lit the corner of his bed. He seethed, fists clenching at how the light reminded him of Quil. Of how he used to sit under that ray of light, reading or just keeping him company.

His head hits the desktop with a thud. He wasn't weak. He shouldn't be remembering. Shouldn't be missing. Quil was dead, had been for nearly three years. His head hits the desk again, the thud resonating through the room. Jacob wasn't weak.

~o~

"Jacob, I need you to do something," Sam Uley, their leader said on the phone. His tone was low and serious. Ah, another dirty job.

"Not today," Jacob hissed into the phone. He pulled at his short hair. Frustrated. But he wasn't sure at what.

"Jacob," Sam's voice took on a more dangerous edge. Jacob shifted, leaned against the wall casually. He wasn't afraid of Sam. "This is important. We need the money. You know the Lakeside Wolves are suffering. This money could put a better meal on our table."

"Right," Jacob said, flexing his hand. "Not today, Sam."

"Jacob," Sam's tone was commanding. Threatening.

"I said not today, Sam," Jacob growled, eyes flashing dangerously. There was a pause. A huff. The line went dead. Jacob was strong. Even the alpha was afraid of him.

~o~

Ironically, he found himself being tackled on top of the impressive mess he's made in the convenience store at the gas station. He wriggled and flailed, fighting to get free. Just as he was making some progress, another weight descended on his back. Jacob growled, saw red. Angry, he was always so angry. His hands were cuffed behind his back and he was hauled unceremoniously to his feet. Holding his head high and proud, Jacob let himself be shoved into the police cruiser. Though only seventeen, almost eighteen, his juvenile record was pages and pages long.

~o~

He was sentenced to ten days of jail, a fine of two hundred dollars, and lord, 100 hours of community service. Sam was going to be so pissed. The gang could not spare two hundred dollars. He would be paying out of his pocket, which he would've been contributing to the gang. And the hundred hours? Even less time to contribute to the Wolves. But throwing that stuff down on the floor in his sudden temper had felt so good. Jacob rarely ever felt anything resembling good. He knew anger and hate and bitterness and more anger. Feeling good was strange, but a part of him liked it. But that part of him was weak and he trampled it.

The others at the holding center eye him with unconcealed interest, even some hunger. He was fresh meat. Jacob smirked (the only expression aside from glaring or scowling he allowed himself to have) coldly at the hard eyes and settled into a defensive posture. _Fight me,_ he silently challenged. _I dare you._ Some of them took cautious steps forward and Jacob laughed mirthlessly at them inside. He lived for impromptu brawls (and... more private activities). They made him feel powerful, in control. Good practice for when he took over Sam's position as ringleader.

One of the boys struck first, fast but not fast enough. Jacob could see that the boy was street trained, but was no match for him. Few were. He grinned as he dodged the next few blows, but his cockiness soon got the better of him this time as a fist connected solidly with his face. A fist that belonged to another, bigger boy. Jacob barely felt the pain and was quick to regain his momentarily upset balance, but his vision clouded with a red haze. The blow had made him angry, and anger fueled his power. Not that he didn't have more than enough fuel already.

~o~

Ten days later, Jacob found himself at the hospital with a police escort, reporting for his 100 hours of community service. A dark bruise marred his face (reminiscent of his third brawl), highlighting the scowl and accentuating the cold steely gaze of his dark brown eyes. Of all the places they sent him, it had to be a hospital. Sick and injured people made him recoil in disgust. They made him uncomfortable. As he was led through the different hallways and taken up in an elevator, Jacob knew that they wanted him to suffer the consequences of his actions. He was stuck there for six hours a day, which meant seventeen days of hell. Damn them all. Jacob was only complying because he couldn't afford any more or major trouble with the law. The gang was stretched thin these days and needed his help in gaining ground and income. Not to mention that he wanted to help. Afterall, they were the closest thing to family he had, the only people he at least cared about.

~o~

"I'm Rosalie. I'm in charge of you for your time here. You report to me and me only." The nurse, Jacob decided was a bitch. He scowled darkly at her, thinking of how easily he could knock her out before she even knew what hit her._ At least,_ he thought as he swept a cold gaze over her, _she was easy on his eyes. _Not that it mattered, he preferred boys. Oh yes, muscular, tough boys.

"Wipe that scowl off year face, young wan, and get to work. I don't care what your problem is, but if you're sent here to work, you better do a good job of it." She sounded like a drill sergeant or something. Which Jacob thought was funny, coming from the blond haired blue eyed model looking nurse. She pointed to a pile of rags and cleaning solution beside her station. "Move it, Jacob Black." I expect every window and glass surface in this unit to be nice and clean by lunch." That got a reaction out of him.

"You've got to be kidding me," he growled after a quick glance around the unit. The anger was returning full force. Not good.

"Nope," Rosalie snarked, "now get on it!" The glower she leveled at him was pretty decent, he had to admit. She was clearly as unhappy about being stuck with him as he was with her. Which was understandable, but too bad. Rosalie had turned away to resume her work when Jacob called her back.

"But lunch is in only a few hours!" he nearly whined. Nearly. Jacob Black didn't do whining. She raised an eyebrow at him in reply. Swearing and muttering, Jacob grudgingly picked up the supplies and headed to the furthest window, as far away from the bitch as he could get in this ridiculously large unit. Dammit, but this was so unfair!

~o~

He was sitting by one of the many, many windows eating a sandwich and contemplating his familiar situation. Hours had passed and Jacob was relishing in his much deserved lunch break. Though bitter and more than angry about the current predicament, he had no regret. He did not deal in regrets. But as he peered out into the city, home to many other gangs beside his own, the faint reflection of himself catches his eyes and he studied it. Cold, emotionless eyes, a bruised cheek, down turned lips, all on a still young face. He was nothing more than an angry teen lost in a too big world. But he was strong, that was better than nothing. And...he had no attachments so he would never suffer another heartbreak. He lived for his gang, his art. For now, that was enough to keep him waking up every day.

Taking another bite of his sandwich, Jacob stared past his reflection and out onto the city once more, wonder if there was ever going to be anything truly worth living for.

~o~

"Ouch, that looks painful," a voice said, startling Jacob out of his trance. Looking up, he found a boy about his age leaning against the window and peering warmly at him. Jacob involuntarily dropped his gaze immediately, uncomfortable with the warm look.

"What does?" He's surprised he doesn't sound the least menacing as he was known to when startled.

"Your face."

"Oh. It doesn't hurt at all," Jacob said confidently, getting to his feet so that he towered over the boy with the copper colored hair. A brief silence passed over them before the boy spoke again.

"Tell me about the city? I haven't been out there in so long I wonder if things have changed a lot." This made Jacob look down at his new companion in surprise. When he noticed the loosely tied robe and slippers on the boy's feet, however, he guessed that he must be a patient at the hospital. And for some reason, Jacob actually felt something other than disgust in the face of a patient. He felt...sad...fleetingly... but that couldn't be right.

"Well..." he started, but was struck speechless when the boy looked up at him with the most beautiful emerald green eyes on the most beautiful face he had ever seen in his life.

"I'm Edward," the boy with the green eyes and angelic face said. God forbid, Jacob felt a stirring in the pile of ashes that was his heart.

~o~

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	2. Chapter 2

**A City Apart**

**Chapter 2**

The two of them stood at the window just talking for a long time, an easy, comfortable air drifting around them. Edward had only a few questions about the state of the city (which Jacob really didn't have too much information on about anyway) and their conversation soon drifted to various topics. Edward never figured out where Jacob was from and why he was at the hospital, and Jacob never found out why or when Edward became a patient... but that was okay. Just talking to Edward, who was a year younger than him, made Jacob feel more relaxed and expressive than he had felt since Quil's death. It wasn't until Edward started coughing weakly that their conversation ended and Jacob suddenly wondered what he was doing. He wasn't here to make friends.

~o~

"You okay?" Jacob asked uncertainly. Nervously. He was always at a loss of what to do with sick people, so he tended to stay away.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Edward said, face pale, a weak smile on his face. Jacob gave him a doubtful look, noticing the shivers shaking Edward's thin frame. "Just tired," Edward added at the look. Exhausted was more like it in Jacob's opinion. He was opening his mouth to tell Edward that maybe he should go back to his room when a very distinct voice stopped him.

"Edward!" Rosalie said in a reprimanding tone and Jacob felt sorry for Edward if Rosalie was his nurse. "What are you doing out of bed? You know you haven't fully recovered yet." She didn't even acknowledge Jacob, her concern entirely for Edward.

"But I can't stand being in bed any more, Rose. It's so boring," Edward whined. Jacob almost cracked a smile at that because he sounded so... cute.

Wait.

What?

He didn't do cute and he certainly didn't smile. Hadn't for years!

"You know better than this, Edward. What if you relapse? Now come on, let's get you back to bed." Rosalie's tone was slightly foreign to Jacob. The mixture of scolding and concern was probably a tone that mothers often used on their children. Not that Jacob would, he couldn't remember his mom. She left when he was very little.

"I'm not a little kid anymore, Rose," Edward said and Jacob looked up in curiosity. That didn't sound like something a patient would say to a nurse.

"I know you're not, Ed, but you are still my baby brother," Rosalie said gently in reply, wrapping an arm around Edward. Jacob blinked in surprise. He definitely had not expected that.

~o~

After hours of mind numbing work mapping the floor of the unit, Jacob was finally released from the hospital by a tired and even more bitchy Rosalie. The fact that she was Edward's sister, however, kept Jacob from lashing out at her tone. He didn't want to sabotage any chances of getting to know Edward better because he didn't like the way Rosalie talked. Not that he really wanted to be friends with Edward. He didn't work that way. Supposedly. Besides, who was he kidding? Edward would probably be released from the hospital soon and return to whatever life he had while Jacob would continue with whatever Same wanted him to do or whatever trouble he gets into. The bottom line was that they were from very different worlds. A whole city apart. He had no business wanting to be Edward's friend... but lord did he want to get to know the green eyed boy who had almost made him smile. That was hard to admit... but he did.

~o~

He was greeted with welcome-home-slaps on the back when he returned to the house shared by the gang members. Jacob gave them all a brief nod before retreating to the confines of his room to be alone. But Embry followed him, eager to catch up with his friend.

"What is it, Embry?" Jacob sighed when Embry wouldn't start the conversation.

"It's good to see you back, Jake," Embry said, obviously stalling.

"How's everything holding up?" Jacob asked, placating him just out of the tiny voice of curiosity in the back of his mind.

"Good enough, I suppose. Seth and I had a run in with same Cold Ones, but it wasn't as bad as it could've been."

"That's good." A pause.

"Sam's not very happy with your absence." Jacob flipped through a few pages of his sketchbook, absently analyzing his previous designs before answering.

"Yeah? I expected that."

~o~

The alpha met him at a bar the gang frequented. Even though Jacob was under aged, he easily got in with a well made fake ID. Besides, Sam knew the owner quite well, so no one really questioned him Sam ordered drinks for both of them. Sitting at the bar, drink in hand, Jacob waited silently for Sam to talk, not wanting to provoke him. Sam's expression was hard and cold as he drank, clearly unhappy with the situation. Even though Jacob did make a habit of getting on Sam's nerves, he knew when to simply submit.

"Jacob, why do you keep doing this?" Sam finally asked.

"Doing what?"

"You know what I'm talking about!" Sam snapped, as always, short tempered

"It's not like I choose to be thrown in jail," Jacob retorted, avoiding Sam's eyes and sipping at his drink.

"But you choose to do those things that get you thrown in jail."

"As if all the things we do don't put us in jail if we were caught," Jacob huffed. "We're all one step away from the bars anyway." Ah. Bitterness. His old friend.

"Right, but what other choice do you have Jacob? You're a high school dropout, work two lower than minimum wage jobs. You have nowhere to run to. Without the Lakeside Wolves, without me, you will be nothing, a beggar on the street at best." Sam's words were harsh and Jacob bristled with barely suppressed anger. What right did Sam have to tell him that he was worthless? Essentially nothing? His fists clenched and his body tensed, he prepared himself to fight even though he knew there was no way they would come to blows. He resorted to glaring at Sam, who stared at him, un- phased.

"You know it's true, Black." Jacob saw red, his blood boiled. He knew it was true, dammit.

~o~

Jacob was lying on his bed, fuming over the last conversation with Sam Uley when the man appeared at his doorway. Seeing him, Jacob cursed under his breath and scowled at the gang leader. "I need you to do something," Sam said sternly and Jacob had a sense of deja vu as he thought of the phone conversation from what seemed like a ages ago.

"Another one of your dirty jobs?" he asked, knowing very well that he was in very dangerous territory but not caring. Jacob was mad, livid, still at Sam for so rudely pointing out one of the sources of his deep rooted frustration. If he was better, if he was worth more than almost nothing, Quil would still be alive. Looking up defiantly, he saw Sam's eyes flash in warning as a large fist clenched at his side.

"I've been lenient with you these past two years because you are very valuable to this gang, Black. But even my patience runs out sooner or later. "Jacob snorts at that, past the point of turning back to a good boy. Sam was _not_ known for his patience. "I know you were hurt, heartbroken, angry after Quil's death, but you can't continue to wallow in self pity forever. He's dead, you have to get over him. The rest of us were effected too." Jacob didn't say anything, the hurt and angry glare he shot spoke volumes. Sam gaged him for a moment, then tossed a package at him.

"Deliver those to my clients," he ordered, before leaving the room.

~o~

That night his dreams were filled with images of the green eyed boy from the hospital. In one dream, Edward descended in a halo of light from the heavens... before turning into a pile of ashes at his feet. In another, they were talking at the window again when Jacob turned to actually smile at him... only to find Edward passed out on the floor, a pool of blood growing around him. The dreams continued in flashes of similar scenes before Jacob bolted up in bed, drenched in sweat and cursing. This was not happening to him!

Flipping on the light, he pulled out his sketch book and turned to a blank page. After half an hour, he held the sketch of Edward up and examined it closely, expression blank. He hadn't been able to save Edward in any of his dreams, just like he hadn't been able to save Quil. The realization made him angry and frustrated, mostly at himself for his old wounds and for letting the boy with the green eyes get under his shell of steel like this.

With an angry snarl, Jacob ripped the page from his sketchbook and crumbled the picture without a second of hesitation. Tossing it in the trash can and flipping out the lights, he gave himself a mental nod. Edward was just a boy at the hospital that he had talked to for a few minutes. He didn't belong in Jacob's world, not by a long shot. Jacob would forget about him, about his oh so beautiful eyes.

~o~

Jacob spent the hours at the hospital the next day arranging the binders that Rosalie had handed to him. He spent his lunch break alone and convinced himself that he didn't feel disappointment when Edward never showed up. Just like how like how he convinced himself that he only checked his surroundings every once in a while to make sure he could hide if Edward ever showed up and not because he wanted a glimpse of him. He had vowed to forget the green eyed boy, so he would avoid him at all costs. Yeah, that's why he kept looking up.

~o~

After successively avoiding a run in with the green eyed boy all day, Jacob was able to heave a sigh of relief as he left the hospital and went on to his job as an engine cleaner at a local junk yard. At dusk, he went around and touched up on the graffiti that marked the boundaries of their territory. This job, at least, was something Jacob actually enjoyed doing. He had a gift for street art, or so people told him. With spray paint alone, Jacob was able to create giant masterpieces that many couldn't with a brush. It was only hearing the hiss of the can and watching the stream of paint being applied to the wall that Jacob was able to completely let go of his anger and bitterness. Here within the swirl of colors under a darkening sky, he was able to believe that he was worth something.

~o~

Days passed in a similar manner with him reporting to the hospital, doings his jobs, working on designs, and running errands for Sam. Before he knew it, nine days, 54 hours, had passed without a glimpse of Edward, which Jacob was grateful for. It made trying to forget about him much easier. Really. The boy had all but disappeared from his thoughts. And though the image of him didn't go without the faintest sense of loss, Jacob knew forgetting him was for the better.

It was on the 11th day when Rosalie (who had gotten nicer as the days passed with Jacob working more or less diligently) approached him without a task as he was sorting the pile of lost and found items.

"Hey, I have no idea why, but Edward wants to see you," she told him.

He froze.

**A/N: Thank you to everyone who put this story on their alerts and especially to those who left a review. Hope you enjoyed this second chapter!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A City Apart**

**Chapter 3**

His burned and broken heart screamed at him to not go in that room, to leave while he still could. Jacob had worked so hard at forgetting Edward (and had all but succeeded with how deep he had buried those thoughts) that going in would mean all his efforts and energy were wasted. But his mind told him that he should. Standing outside th room, he warred with himself, knowing that he should back away, not care about Rosalie's eyes at his back and just get away. Away! As fast as he could.

But...

With a click, the door released and swung open, revealing a dim room that chased away all hesitance without pause. Which was not good. Jacob couldn't believe how soft his steel shell had become, that those green eyes would get to him so easily.

Closing the door gently behind him, Jacob surveyed the room before him as his eyes adjusted to the dimmer lighting. The room was sparsely furnished with a couch along one wall and two chairs by the hospital bed. A neatly folded pile of blankets rested on the couch while an iPod, PSP, and a remote controller were scattered on a bedside table. But other than the few personal belongings sparsely scattered about, the room was simply just another hospital room. For some reason, that almost made Jacob sad. Almost. He was able to block it out before it could get under his touch exterior. He didn't do sad.

"Who is it?" a soft voice rasped and Jacob lost his internal battle (for now) as emerald eyes once again filled his thoughts.

~o~

"Hey, Rosalie said you wanted to see me," Jacob said as he approached the bed cautiously, not sitting down in the chair. If seeing sick people made him uncomfortable, having to approach the bedside of one was even worse. Especially if that someone on the bed was one that had haunted his dreams.

"She did?" Edward asked as Jacob came up next to the bed. He frowned (internally).

"Yeah."

"Oh, that's nice of her." He frowned some more in confusion. Edward lifted his eyes to Jacob's face and gave him a weak smile. He was definitely a little worse for wear than the last time Jacob had seen him over a week ago. It made Jacob almost wonder what had happened since that day. It was as if Edward had grown more exhausted as time passed and Jacob was suddenly slightly apprehensive about whatever disease Edward had.

"Uh... what do you mean?" Jacob asked after dropping his eyes from Edward's tired but somehow faintly happy gaze.

"I didn't exactly ask her to do that," Edward explained. Jacob didn't really know what to say to that, so he stood there and subtly trailed his gaze over Edward's blanket covered body, wondering... No! That wasn't right. He couldn't think like that! Where did that surge of horniness come from anyway? Jacob was known for his promiscuity, but this was seriously not the time.

"Do you want me to leave?" He asked, for lack of better thing to say.

"No!" Edward said quickly. "It is kinda lonely here."

Jacob said nothing, face blank.

"Well, if you don't want to stay you don't have to. I'm okay being by myself. I'm used to it, really," Edward said softly when he noticed Jacob's lack of expression. Jacob grimaced a little at the disappointed but accepting tone. Did he know how pitiful he sounded? Sighing inwardly, he lifted his eyes to Edward's... and was instantly captivated by the barely concealed hurt in the green. Dammit, what was this boy doing to him? Never had his hard exterior cracked so easily, not even with Quil.

"No, it's okay, I'll stay," Jacob said before he knew why and sat down in the chair. The smile that Edward directed at him was like the sun breaking out from behind the clouds and he felt an answering, involuntary, twitch of his lips as he nearly smiled back. Damn. Jacob had a feeling that somehow, they could actually get to be friends in the future. And wasn't that just ridiculous?

~o~

They talked comfortably for hours about everything and anything. Jacob found out that Edward was hospitalized with a very bad case of pneumonia on top of the flu about a month and a half ago. He also found out that Edward had two older siblings, Rosalie and her twin, Jasper. That his dad, Carlisle, was chief of cardiology at the hospital and that his mom, Esme, was an interior designer. There was no doubt in Jacob's mind that Edward's family was rich, proving that he had no place in Jacob's seedy little world. But that didn't matter at the moment.

In return for all that Edward shared with him, Jacob opened up a little about himself. Which he had never done for a stranger before. He told Edward about never really knowing his mother, losing his father, the odd jobs that he's done, dropping out of school, and his passion for designing graffiti and tattoos. He didn't tell him about the gang. That would probably be too much. At the end of his short speech, Jacob looked up from his lap and found Edward looking at him with watery eyes. They weren't full of pity, as Jacob had expected (he got the look from some people from time to time), but with the light of realization that they were from very different worlds. A whole giant city apart. But as Edward blinked and a tear rolled down his cheek, Jacob saw in his eyes that the realization didn't matter in Edward's eyes. At least, not now. That made Jacob's chest warm with something that he hadn't felt in a really long time. And... nobody has ever shed a tear for him before.

~o~

There was a lull in the conversation. A comfortable silence that lingered as the two of them regarded each other (blatantly and without shame on Jacob's part and shyly on Edward's). Jacob had an urge to reach out and place a hand over Edward's, but that would ruin the tentative friendship they had. They were barely friends, if even that, having only been getting to know each other for two days. The warmth in the chest had spread steadily over the past few days and he allowed it to after failing to hold back the new feeling initially. In fact, the warmth had gotten so pleasant that Jacob was boldly and perhaps stupidly beginning to toy with the idea of something more than friendship between them. It had surprised Jacob at first when the idea had become a coherent thought, but he had come to accept that Edward was somehow so... special... that he was able to make him respond and feel in ways that was so unlike him. Strangely enough, after this acceptance, the idea of letting Edward in didn't bother Jacob as much.

In the dim light of the room, brown eyes held green as two teenagers found a new understanding for each other, a deeper meaning to their new friendship. When Edward smiled, Jacob's breath caught in his chest as a new feeling stole over him. It was all he could do to keep himself from leaning over and kissing Edward. And he could see it faintly in his mind, that promise of something more.

He clenched his hands. The feeling certainly frightened him, and Jacob Black was not easily scared.

~o~

"Is that a tattoo?" Edward asked and Jacob's hand immediately flew to his arm. It was another two days later. Rosalie had relieved Jacob of his mundane and arduous tasks when Edward had asked for him (for real this time). She had even been kind enough to let him know that she considered keeping Edward company part of his hours as it was a good cause in her eyes.

"Yes, yes it is," Jacob heard himself saying before he had a chance to decide whether he wanted to share this part of himself with Edward yet. Truth be told, Jacob was almost certain that Edward would probably not want anything to do with him once he found out his membership in the gang. And Jacob wouldn't blame him, it was dangerous to associate with gang members for various reasons. However, Edward would find out sooner or later, and he didn't like hiding who he was anyway.

"Can I see?" Edward asked shyly and Jacob found himself nodding and pulling up his sleeve to reveal the whole tattoo. He watched Edward closely as he sat up a little in his bed and leaned in to get a better look at the image of a snarling wolf head with read eyes rising out of shadowed waters. Forcing himself not to breathe too deeply, Jacob used the chance to get acquainted with Edward's smell (a faint scent of lemons and honey which he found more pleasant that he would ever let on). His fingers itched slightly to reach out and pull Edward closer so to get more of the scent, but he didn't.

"What does it mean?" Edward wondered, touching Jacob's tattoo with a delicate hand that tugged lightly on the IV line attached to it when he moved. Jacob opened his mouth, ignoring the pleasant tingling on his skin, and was suddenly unsure how he would answer such a personal question. Or if he really wanted to answer at all for fear of losing the first friend that he had outside of his gang brothers. But when he looked down at the expectant green eyes framed by dark, long lashes, he found that he couldn't keep this part of himself hidden. The beautiful bronze haired boy had a right to know who he was talking to here... and ultimately decide if he wanted to be friends with someone who led such a lifestyle. And if he didn't, Jacob at least had the past 4 days to remember.

"It...,"

~o~

_He was thirteen, tall, broad, and well muscled. The tattoo parlor was more ominous than he remembered, having visited frequently with his own work. It was the day of his final initiation into the gang, nearly 5 years to the day when he had first joined. Jacob tried not to let his nervousness show as he stood tall and proud, waiting his turn after Quil. He was nervous about __the tattoo- not for the pain, everyone knew he had a ridiculously high pain tolerance- but because it came with such finality. He would be permanently sworn into the gang once he was branded, forever a part of it as the tattoo would be there until he rotted away in his grave._

_ Jacob watched intently as the finishing touches of the snarling wolf head was etched expertly onto Quil's skin. The artist was a cousin of Sam's and had done the design so many times he knew it perfectly by heart. Ten minutes later, Quil was allowed to look at his new tattoo in the mirror before being bandaged and turning Jacob to with a broad grin that Jacob returned._

_ Then it was his turn._

_ At Sam's beckoning, he made his way over and settled into the chair while the artist took a break to clean and ready equipment for Jacob. Sam made a point to be present every time someone got a tattoo as he was their leader._

_ "You ready for this, Jacob?" Sam asked, placing a hand on his shoulder in a rare gesture of comfort. Jacob knew he was very quickly becoming Sam's favorite because of his willingness to do everything asked and his eagerness to defend his gang. The fearless and loyal attitude that Jacob had was highly valued within the gang._

_ "I am," Jacob answered after a deep calming breath._

_ "Good. Once you have the tattoo, you will be a permanent part of the Lakeside Wolves. You will be bound to us and us to you. You will need to be loyal, respectful, as well as place the well being of the gang and fellow gang brothers as one of your top priorities. If not the top," Sam said in his "alpha" voice. After Jacob nodded his understanding, Sam continued. "This wolf head represents strength and courage, as well as honor and loyalty to the gang. We are your true family now, and I expect you to contribute to and defend the well being of the Wolves with all that you are."_

_ "I understand. Thank you, alpha," Jacob said with a fierce look of determination in his eyes. At the tender age of thirteen, the moment meant everything to him. He was finally somebody and part of a family. Minutes later, the buzz of the tattoo gun was loud in his ears as the emblem of the Lakeside Wolves was etched onto his arm. It didn't hurt at all and hours later, when Jacob examined it in the mirror, a giant grin stretched across his face. He was unbelievably proud to have the snarling wolf head forever a part of him._

~o~

Edward had an unreadable array of emotions on his face when Jacob finished talking about his shadier past and the symbolism behind his tattoo. Bracing himself for rejection, Jacob waited anxiously for a response, his fists clenching and unclenching all the while.

"So you're in a gang?" Edward asked as he sank back into his pillow, worn out from listening so intently to Jacob's words.

"Yeah."

"That's so cool." Jacob thought of all the bad things he's done as part of the gang and felt a little less than cool. But he didn't feel remorse. Jacob Black did not dwell in the past.

Edward's reaction surprised him, though Jacob had somewhat expected the easy acceptance. Edward was just like that. He sighed heavily. "It's not cool, not in the way you think. I've done some things... You shouldn't want to be friends with me, Edward. I live a very dangerous life, full of bad things..," Jacob trailed off when he saw the look of hurt on Edward's face. He closed his eyes because he had to get it out, all these words that had been brewing within him since the day he met the boy. "You...I... we come from very different worlds. Mine is full of darkness and anger. Yours is full of light. My side of the city is bad, full of violence and hate and yours... you have nice neighborhoods and nice people. It would be wrong for me to put you at risk because you're friends with me. You don't belong in my world, Edward. I don't want to taint you. You're... you're too good... too special for that." When the last word faded into the room, Jacob stood to leave, needing to run away from the dull ache in his chest. From the vulnerable feeling he was experiencing by saying those last words.

"You're wrong, you know. My life isn't full of happiness and light as you think it is. Most days, perhaps, but you don't know half the shadows that plague my world. And... I think I have the right to choose who I want to be friends with, Jacob," Edward whispered softly when Jacob had turned his back. "I don't care if we come from very different situations, and you can't judge my goodness... or whatever you call it because you haven't known more for that long. Besides, what's life without danger or darkness? What's life without peace and light? You need both to live." The words cracked something in Jacob and he turned back solemnly to find Edward worn out from his speech. God, he knew he needed peace and light.

"And...I feel something between us. Something very real and yet so foreign. I thought... I thought that meant something, Jacob. You're the closest thing I have to a friend... and aside from my family, you know me better than anyone else, even after only three days." Edward took a deep, steadying breath and lifted teary eyes to Jacob as Jacob breathed out a faint "what?" at the idea that Edward had no real friends.

"Please stay?" Edward whispered and Jacob was lost. Sitting down heavily, he briefly thought over Edward's words. The feeling that Edward had mentioned... Could it be? Jacob dared to hope that it was similar to the one growing within him.

"I feel it too," he said softly, gaze locked on Edward's beautiful, beautiful eyes. Those eyes searched his face for a moment before Edward reached out a hand to him. Without hesitating for even the briefest moment, Jacob took the offered hand in his own larger one and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Sleep, Edward. You look exhausted."

"You'll stay?"

Hope- from the boy who lay exhausted in a hospital bed.

"I'll stay."

Promise- from the boy who was beginning to see his reason for living.

~o~

**Hi everyone! Thanks again for reading! Please leave a review! They're greatly appreciated.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A City Apart**

**Chapter 4**

The night found Jacob locked in his room, pencil roaming furiously across page after page of unfinished sketches. Drawing, putting his feelings on paper helped to sort out the jumble of confused emotions within him. But tonight, art alone couldn't help him make sense of his wayward feelings.

Jacob sighed heavily in exasperation, pencil and sketch pad falling loudly to the desk. He sat for a few moments, eyes closed against the world, before his hand reached out to rummage through a drawer. With a deep steadying breath, he opened his eyes once he found what he was looking for. It was a sketch of Quil, one that he had done long ago when they had just started their relationship. The pencil lines were already starting to fade, but the sheer power of the captured moment was still untarnished.

"Something's happening, Quil," Jacob whispered faintly, feeling stupid for talking to a picture (but apparently not stupid enough for him to stop). "You've been gone for two years now, and I miss you so much still...Is it bad to be moving on? It's... damn, it's scary. I don't want to forget you, but these new feelings I have, they're so strong! And this boy... he's not like you, at all."

There was no answer.

Of course not.

For once in his life, Jacob was at a loss of what to do.

~o~

"Hey, you look better today," Jacob said as he sat down next to the bed.

"Yeah? I feel better," Edward replied, eyes glittering, smile bright. Taking a moment to sweep his gaze over that face, Jacob noted that he definitely liked the faint blush of pink on Edward's cheeks.

"That's good. Do you know when you can get out of here yet?" _Not too soon, I hope... No. I hope it's soon._

"Hopefully tomorrow!"

"So soon?" Jacob asked, surprised.

"Yeah, I've been here long enough. You have no idea how ready to go home I am," Edward said, the excitement in his eyes and his grin.

"I can imagine."

Edward laughed. The tinkling sound bounced around the room as Jacob sat back in his chair. In the back of his mind, he couldn't help but wonder where that would lead their friendship.

~o~

In reality, it was two days later that Edward finally got released from the hospital. Coincidentally, it was also Jacob's last day of community service. Jacob stood in Edward's room as the green eyed boy packed away his few belongings, waiting for the right moment to say goodbye. The rest of Edward's family (Jasper and Esme) waited outside to give them some time alone to say goodbye before coming into the room.

"Jacob?" Edward suddenly asked and Jacob turned from the window to see Edward frowning at him.

"Yeah?"

"I... I was wondering where this leaves us. You know, like what happens when we go our separate ways," Edward said, a hand scratching his head shyly as a faint blush crept up his cheeks. Jacob unashamedly took a moment to enjoy the sight before sighing.

"I was wondering the same thing." He left the window and closed the distance between himself and the bronze haired boy. Not too close, an arm's reach away. "What would you like?"

"I want us to remain friends at least...," Edward trailed off, unsure, but didn't appear to want to say anymore when he backed up and sat down on the bed. Jacob bit his lip, using the brief silence to make up his mind. He had been thinking over his newly developed feelings over the past few days and had decided to chance acting on it. He was the type of person that needed to at least say something, at least know if his feelings were reciprocated. Just because he was selfish enough to never want to suffer a lifetime of second guessing.

"Edward," he sighed, and the green eyes lifted to his. Not turning back now. "I like you. I really do. I can't explain how or why, but I care for you. I've tried denying it, but I can't anymore. I'm sorry. You had to know." Edward's eyes were wide, the green seeming to glow in the light.

"If you don't want to remain friends. I understand. I shouldn't feel this way towards you. I really shouldn't. It's not good. It's...,"

"Why?" Edward suddenly spoke up. "Why shouldn't you feel this way?"

Jacob gaped at him. Completely thrown off by Edward's reaction.

"Because it's selfish. It's not right to throw this on you now." _When had he ever cared about right or wrong?_****Jacob was beginning to question his sanity. His fists clenched in distress and he seriously considered leaving. Run away, as he had done many times before.

Edward stood from the bed, and the look in his eyes kept Jacob rooted to his spot on the linoleum floor. It seemed like an eternity as Edward came up to him so that they were standing no more than a foot apart. Jacob gazed down at the angelic face and found uncertainty just barely concealed by determination. He nearly had to admit that he was almost afraid of what would come out of that pretty mouth.

"What if... what if I like you too? Would that make me selfish too?" Edward said softly, his cheeks coloring yet again.

"No, no, no. Don't say that, Edward. You can't say that."

"Why not?"

"You're not a part of my world, Edward. And I can't allow myself to pull you into it. It's too dangerous. And... I'll never be able to live with myself if something were to happen to you because of me." Jacob stressed, hands fully clenched in fists now, frustration bubbling within him, threatening to light the fuse of his short temper. But for once, for once in longer than he can remember, he was thinking about the safety of another. For once he was trying to be the good guy.

And Edward was making it hard.

"I thought we already went over this, Jacob," Edward said, expression torn. "I don't care that we have such different lives. It doesn't matter!"

"Yes it does," Jacob whispered. "Yes it does." He turned away, jaw clenched, ready to leave the room. He knew he was hurting Edward, but he had to leave before his selfishness could get the best of him. It was for the better. Edward didn't understand, he didn't know that the last time he cared about someone, there had been bloodshed. Jacob never wanted to see Edward lying in a pool of blood like Quil had. He never wanted to hurt like that again.

But...

A fragile hand on his arm made him look back. Green eyes, not at all like Quil's dark brown.

"Please, Jacob. No one has ever made my heart race like you do. No one has ever stopped to sit by my bed like you do. No one has ever cared for me long enough to know why I hurt. Please, stay? Know me and let me know you?"

A small trickle of blood was running out of Edward's nose. Seeing the blood made Jacob's heart clench in fear. He saw Quil in his mind, saw the pool of blood on the street. But instead of running away as he had done that night, Jacob reached out and wrapped his arms around his green eyed angel.

~o~

The room stank of diesel fuel and sweat and Jacob hated it. He hated the constant ruckus and the sticky oil stains that covered the floor. But he did like the work itself, and the money, it was why he kept coming back.

It was among the stink and the sweat and the piles of junk metal that Embry found him.

"Dude, you've been working almost non-stop for two days! What's gotten into you?" Embry asked as a form of greeting.

Jacob didn't even bother to glance up. He had his own reasons. What's gotten into him? Nothing. Nothing at all. Except maybe a boy with green eyes that he hasn't seen in two days. Not that he was ever going to tell Embry.

"What? I can't work extra hours without something being wrong? It's so boring otherwise," Jacob retorted, keeping his eyes on the engine he was currently cleaning.

"Well, no, but it's just not like you," Embry said.

"So back off already!" Jacob growled suddenly, temper flaring. That was a familiar feeling.

"Jeez dude, no need to get mad! I'm just curious. Embry backed up a step. He knew Jacob Black, he knew the quick temper. He also knew the quick punches that Jacob tended to throw. "You've been acting a little odd since two days ago though. Are you sure nothing's wrong?" Embry asked after a few seconds. Jacob raised his head and glared.

"Nothing's wrong, Embry," he growled through gritted teeth. Embry gave him a condescending look.

"Whatever you say, Jake. I'm just trying to be a friend." He turned away, clearly frustrated.

"Wait!" Jacob called a few moments later when Embry was almost out the door. "I'm sorry. I just.." he trailed off and gave a shrug, not knowing what to say.

"Something's wrong with you," Embry said after a pause.

~o~

There was no way Embry could've seen through him so easily. There was no way. He kept his emotions so well hidden. So how had Embry known something was up?

He was in the library, a place he had never set foot in before. But Jacob had to understand what Aplastic anemia was. He had to know why Edward hurt. Clicking on "symptoms", Jacob scrolled through the listed symptoms of the blood disorder and felt his stomach clench with every bullet point he read. Fatigue. Shortness of breath. Pale skin. Headaches. Unexplained or easy bruising. Frequent nosebleeds. Frequent and prolonged infections. They were why Edward hurt. Why he stayed in the hospital for such long periods of time. Jacob spent the next few hours reading as much about the disorder as he could find.

A long drawn out sigh left Jacob's lips as he leaned back into the chair many, many web pages later.

Edward had been living in a dark world long before Jacob ever met him.

~o~

He spent the morning washing his car. Not once, but twice. It wasn't like he was nervous or anything, he just wanted the old car to look nicer than it usually did. But as the soggy towel dropped into the bucket for the last time that morning, Jacob took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. So maybe he was a little nervous.

Maybe.

Just a little.

Well...

Jacob let himself sag against the car, groaning softly when the remaining water droplets soaked into his shirt. So maybe Embry was right in saying something was wrong with him. Since when did he ever get nervous about anything? It was true he hadn't had anything more than hookups for the past two years, but that was no reason to be nervous. He could do a date. No problem.

~o~

"Hey, Sam's on the phone," Embry said as he plopped down unceremoniously on Jacob's unmade bed.

"Not again," Jacob muttered, head buried in his closet as he rummaged through his few shirts for something remotely nice.

"Yeah, no kidding, dude. I've done three errands for him in the past four days. Hopefully that means we're improving," Embry commented as he reached over to the sketchbook lying on Jacob's bed.

"Don't!" Jacob left the closet in a flash and dove for the book, snatching it away from Embry all in one fluid motion.

"What?" Embry exclaimed, a little ruffled, a little frustrated. "You always let me see your sketches!"

"These are private," Jacob stressed, turning away. "You can see the ones in the other book on the desk." Two seconds passed, but Embry didn't move.  
>"Seriously, Jake, what's going on?" You're supposed to be my best friend but ever since you started doing those hours at the hospital you've been pushing me away." Jacob made a sound in frustrated acknowledgment, but made not reply otherwise. Embry was a tad bit too smart for his own good. He emerged with barely concealed triumph a few seconds later, a black polo shirt in his hand.<p>

"Seriously Embry, nothing's going on," he said as he shrugged out of his t-shirt and ignored the look of hurt on Embry's face.

"Right," Embry scoffed. "That's why you're changing into a nice shirt that you just spent ten minutes looking for."

"Tell Sam that I can't talk to him will you?" Jacob said before rushing out of the room and missing the frustrated glare Embry shot at him.

~o~

The address that Edward had given him didn't lead to the grand and spetacular house that Jacob had expected. In fact, it wasn't even close. Pulling into the driveway, he checked and rechecked the text in between glances at the modest one storied home. Not what he had been expecting at all. A part of him was glad for the surprise. Edward wasn't from the stereotypical rich family with expensive cars and giant houses.

Stepping out of the car and taking a few strides to the door, Jacob raised a fist and knocked firmly. He smoothed his shirt as he waited, then wondered why his unflappable personality was suddenly so out of whack. The answer, however, was only starting to gather at the back of his mind when the door opened. Not to the person he had been expecting.

The tall blond man at the door regarded Jacob with a cool calm, blue eyes unyielding, calculating. He seemed familiar. Jacob returned the cool gaze with ease, having used it many times when regarding strangers. It was after several heartbeats of the staring contest that the man spoke. "Jacob Black?" Jacob nearly jumped.

He had almost been sure this wasn't the right house.

"Yes," he said confidently, proudly. The blue eyes regarded him for a few seconds more before the blond man nodded. He called over his shoulder for Edward and Jacob's heart certainly did not speed up at the name.

"I'm Jasper, Edward's older brother," the man said and extended a hand to Jacob. Oh, he could see some resemblance now.

"Nice to meet you," Jacob said and gave the offered hand a firm shake, asserting his confidence through the strength of his grasp.

"Likewise," Jasper returned smoothly, his blue eyes still calculating even though the unyielding edges had softened somewhat. "Edward's been talking about you. A lot."

"Jasper!" a half exasperated voice exclaimed, cutting off any retort at the tip of Jacob's tongue. His attention was immediately diverted to the bronze haired boy who had suddenly appeared at the door. Edward's green eyes practically danced in happiness when their eyes met and Jacob felt his lips, oh god, felt his lips quirk into a small smile.

"Hey," he said, and the smile felt so weird on his face. Edward beamed and Jacob's world flooded with light.

~o~

**Thanks so much for reading you guys! I've never had so many subscriptions before! Though I would really love to see more reviews, I'm certainly dancing with happiness at this point. Thanks for all the nice reviews!**

**I know my updates are slow, but bear with me! School is consuming my life! **

**Once again, thanks for taking the time to read my story. Please post a review if you have time!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A City Apart**

**Chapter 5**

In hindsight, Jacob shouldn't have been nervous at all. Any apprehension he had felt had dissipated the moment Edward appeared at the door. From there everything was seamless.

During the twenty minute drive to the new art gallery, he and Edward had struck up an effortless conversation. They talked about their day, their shared interest in art. Jacob shared a couple things about his passion for drawing and designing while Edward told him about his love for the piano and cello.

"What'd you think of Jasper?" Edward asked with a laugh.

"Seemed cool," Jacob said, not really knowing what to say.

"He's very protective," Edward mused with a smile, cheeks coloring slightly. Jacob could hear the love in his voice.

"As he should be." Jacob smiled and threw a wind in Edward's direction, just to see that beautiful blush spread. He had given up on containing his happiness three minutes into the drive and consequently had smiled more this afternoon than he had in two years. Edward stammered and turned toward the window. Silence fell over them, but it wasn't uncomfortable at all.

When they stopped at an intersection, both turned to each other at the same time. Edward's green eyes were wide with unidentifiable emotions, and Jacob wanted so much to be someone different. Someone worthy, truly worthy, of the boy beside him.

"I've never been on a date before," Edward said softly, blushing furiously. God, Jacob wanted to lean over and kiss him so bad, but he didn't want to move too fast and mess things up.

"You won't be disappointed. I promise." Jacob's voice was low with confidence and sincerity. He really meant it. He vowed to make the night special. The smile of pure happiness and contentment that broke out across Edward's face sealed his promise... and the traffic light turned green.

~o~

The gallery was better than Jacob had hoped for. It combined the passion of a music lover and an art enthusiast. Tastefully displayed, each piece was unique and moving in its own way. But, Jacob had to admit, he spent more time watching Edward's open expressions than he did examining the pieces. Seeing Edward's face bright with awe and genuine happiness was the real prize. He congratulated himself on choosing the art gallery for their first date.

~o~

"Jacob, look at this one," Edward said, making Jacob actually pay more attention to the art. "It's so... I don't know how to describe it," Edward said, glancing at Jacob before refocusing on the painting.

"So real?" Jacob asked softly as he examined the pieces. It was of a person playing a violin in a dark alley. The only light source in the painting was the silent music that rose from the instrument. Light in the place of sound. Upon a closer look, Jacob could see faces in the bricks of the walls around the person. He didn't really know why the scene seemed so real... it really wasn't.

"Yeah. So real," Edward echoed beside him, making him jump. Maybe he wasn't the only one. Jacob looked down at him in time to see the faint shiver that coursed through Edward's thin frame. The two of them spent a couple more minutes in front of the piece before moving on.

It was in front of the last sculpture in the gallery that Jacob worked up the nerve to take Edward's hand in his own. Edward blushed again and gave his hand a squeeze. Taking a deep breath of content, Jacob smiled. Perhaps together they would escape from the alley.

~o~

They were standing in the driveway, not quite ready to part ways just yet. "I had a really, really good time tonight, Jacob," Edward said, green eyes bright even in the dimly lit driveway.

"Jake." Whoa, that completely slipped out.

"What?" The confusion on Edward's face was too cute. Jacob wanted to kiss him so bad.

"Call me Jake," Jacob explained, lips curled in a sheepish smile. "All the special people in my life did." Edward's smile was bright for a few seconds before it dimmed into a slight frown.

"Did?" Of course Edward would focus on that. Jacob didn't bother to stop himself from lifting a hand to smooth away the frown on Edward's forehead.

"Stories for another time," he said, gently trailing his hand over the soft, soft skin of his angel's face. "I promise," he added at Edward's half hearted glare. The night was too perfect, he couldn't ruin it with stories of his past. And it'd be even more perfect if... Jacob brought his other hand up, cupping Edward's face in his palms. Edward's breath hitched slightly in anticipation.

"May I?" Jacob actually thought to ask even though he was already leaning in.

"Yes." There was no hesitance in Edward's answer.

Their lips met in a gentle kiss, perhaps the best kiss that Jacob had ever had.

He never wanted it to end.

~o~

"Jacob! Spill!" Embry demanded as he closed Jacob's door behind him. Jacob closed his sketch book and gave his best glare, dropping back into his tough gang persona. Such was his double faced life.

"You ever heard of knocking?" he asked in an icy voice. The coldness in his tone chilled even his bones. Damn, his temper. But he had a right to be pissed. Who was Embry to ruin his perfect night?"

"I have always come and gone without knocking," Embry said, stony faced and jaw set. He could be stubborn too... just not as stubborn as Jacob. "I'm not afraid of you, Jacob. Now spill."

"Spill what?" Jacob asked, feigning innocence.

"You could start with where you've been this whole night," Embry said.

"Who are you? My mother? It's not your business." If his tone were any more cold, Jacob would be getting a serious frostbite.

"Of course it's my business, you dick!" Embry growled. "Maybe you've forgotten, Jacob, but I'm your only real friend around here. No wait. You have forgotten. And I bet your memory loss is related to whatever you were doing tonight. So lord help me, tell me because I have a right to beat the lights out of whatever or whoever has turned you into such a bastard." There was a pause.

Jacob had Embry pinned against the wall faster than Embry had time to react. A red hot fury burned in the pit of his stomach and clouded his vision and his voice dropped to a dangerous rumble.

"Don't you ever make that threat again," he gritted out through a clenched jaw. The thought of Edward, hurt... He didn't know how he was restraining himself from punching something.

"Oh, so it's a someone," Embry spat, then his voice softened. "Someone not part of our world, huh? That's why you're being so secretive, so protective." Damn. Jacob let Embry go with a groan of frustration.

"Don't say it," Jacob hissed, anger suddenly fading. "Don't say it's wrong. I know it is." His hands flew to grip his hair in frustration and the two of them found themselves sitting on Jacob's bed.

"Jacob..."

"Don't say it, Embry." Jacob uttered another groan. "Look, I'm sorry I've been such a jerk to you lately. You're right, I have forgotten that you're my only real friend here. There's a ton of excuses I could use, but the bottom line is, I should've trusted you more." He was almost afraid to look Embry in the eyes, but he had to, just to show that his apology was sincere. Embry's dark eyes searched his face for a brief moment before he nodded.

"This isn't good, Jacob."

"I said don't say it."

"You can talk to me. I'm not going to betray you." Silence.

"Yeah...I know." More silence. Jacob squeezed his eyes shut.

"Jacob... who is he?"

~o~

The next few days sucked. Sam interrogated Jacob about his whereabouts after hearing from Paul (Jacob never like that guy) that Jacob seemed happy about something. As if he didn't have the right to be! But he really needed to control himself. It wasn't good that he was being such an open book. It's as if his hard exterior had cracked, leaving him vulnerable. Jacob couldn't allow that, but he couldn't help it either. See, Edward was the one breaking down his shields, but he couldn't (wouldn't) throw away his new reason for living.

Jacob stood his ground during the interrogation, not giving an inch. He was proud of himself when Sam finally gave up trying to get him to spill his secret. The price of his success, however, was having to ensure deals and deliver drugs to Sam's customers. So much for becoming a better person.

~o~

You know you really, really like someone when the very sight of them brightens your world. Jacob literally felt the bleakness of the past few days ebb away when he saw Edward walking towards him (with Jasper behind) and he sighed as if releasing all the tension from the past few days. He was in the lobby of the hospital where he had met Edward... which he found only slightly weird. Edward was here for a routine blood transfusion, something that Jacob had read about when he had first researched Aplastic Anemia, and had asked Jacob if he wanted to keep him company for the few hours that it would take. Needless to say, Jacob had been more than willing to. Despite the fact that he hated hospitals.

"Jake!" Edward cried (a little too loudly) as he came through the doors. A moment later he was in Jacob's arms and Jacob was happy. He took the blessed moment to hold the boy tightly but gently against him, breathing in the faint smell of lemons in Edward's bronze hair. Eventually Jacob had to let go, though it was with great reluctance. "I missed you!" Edward said, green eyes dancing and smile wide.

"As I missed you," Jacob said, smiling in return. He wanted to kiss Edward right then and there, but they were in a lobby of a hospital, in front of people, and...

"Alright you two," Jasper's smooth voice cut in their reunion. As expected Edward's face turned bright red. Jacob was suddenly glad for his darker skin.

"Jasper, good to see you again," Jacob said as evenly as he could when he saw that Jasper was resisting the urge to laugh.

"Likewise, Jacob. Now when are you coming over to dinner?" Jasper smirked in mirth.

"Wha... Jasper!" Edward cried, then covered his mouth when he realized that people were staring. Jacob almost laughed at him, but of course he didn't.

"Edward, seriously. I know you've only had one date and all, but after hearing you talk non-stop about it, I assume you'd be wanting to invite Jacob over for dinner soon." Jasper shrugged innocently and Jacob snorted. Though he should be embarrassed as well, he just didn't feel it. He had a feeling that he and Jasper would get along really well someday.

"I can't believe you, Jas. You can leave now," Edward huffed and proceeded to push Jasper out the door, much to the amusement of Jacob.

"Jacob, see you soon. I still have to give you the big brother talk. With a wink, Jasper was out of the building, leaving a sputtering Edward behind. Jacob chuckled at the barely concealed horror on Edward's face before leading him toward the elevators.

"Jasper can be so mean," Edward huffed as they waited for the elevator.

"He loves you very much," Jacob said, and that totally wasn't what he had intended to say, but whatever. He put an arm around Edward's waist, being careful to give Edward time to pull away. Instead of pulling away, however, Edward leaned into him, making him warm from the inside out.

"Yeah," Edward said. "I guess I gave him a scare this past month." Jacob didn't say anything to that. Instead, he dropped a kiss on Edward's hair as the elevator doors finally opened.

When the doors closed behind them, they shared a long, long kiss. It was as if they had been separated for years, not three days.

~o~

There was a reason he hated hospitals. It was the smell, the cleanliness, the people. Jacob wondered how he had already fallen so deep with Edward that he was voluntarily accompanying him to a hospital.

They were in the Transfusion/ Chemotherapy center on the 3rd floor, waiting for the nurse to gather supplies. Edward was reclining on an armless arm chair while Jacob sat rigidly next to him in a simple padded chair. There were so many old people here and...

"Who's idea was it to put all the patients in a half circle?" he asked, realizing part of the reason why he felt a little unsettled. "Everyone can see each other!" Jacob most definitely did not mean to shoot a glare at the old man across the room.

Beside him, Edward laughed. "Relax, Jake," he said, placing a delicate hand on Jacob's arm, "that's what privacy curtains are for.' Before Jacob had a chance to respond, however, the nurse (named Alice) was back with a tray of supplies.

"So who's your new friend, Eddy?" Alice asked as she hung a bag of blood on the pole next to Edward's chair. A bag of blood! Jacob had seen lots of blood spill in his life... so he had no idea why the bag sent him into silent hysterics. Maybe he was going crazy?  
>"Don't call me Eddy, Alice," Edward said. "It's so... undignified." Jacob snorted and resisted the urge to kiss Edward senseless again.<p>

"Right. So who's your friend?" Alice asked.

"This is Jacob," Edward said, smiling warmly when he met Jacob's eyes.

~o~

Needles had never bothered Jacob, but he had to admit that watching Nurse Alice slip the large needles into Edward's pale arm had made his gut clench. That had been two hours ago. Since then, everything had gone without a hitch and Jacob was feeling more relaxed than he had in a long time (which was pretty darn surprising considering the circumstances). There was just something about Edward that put him at ease and made him feel content and happy. They didn't talk too much, but that was okay because the long moments that they spent staring into each other's eyes were... Jacob didn't really know how to describe it. All he knew was that everytime he looked into Edward's emerald eyes, his heart fluttered gently in his chest. It was one of the best feelings he had ever known.

~o~

An hour later Jacob found himself clutching Edward tightly to his chest as they watched the commotion in the room. One of the patients had fainted as he was standing up and had struck his head on the table next to the chair. A pool of blood was spreading around the man as the laceration bled profusely. The crimson staining the floor wasn't anything Jacob hadn't seen before but it made him uneasy. Clutching Edward to him, Jacob found himself being swept into a memory he had buried long ago.

~o~

_He was fifteen, strong, independent, and arrogant. He was fifteen and had killed for the first time. It was in self defense._

_ The gun was heavy in his hand and Jacob nearly dropped it as he took a deep breath. He stared at the pool of blood gathering around the dead man's body and felt a sense of detachedness flow through him. He didn't do it. He couldn't have. He was fifteen. There was no way he had just killed someone. But the evidence was there in front of him. He could smell the metallic scent of blood, see the dark crimson pool. God, the body was right there. If he stepped forward and reached out, he'd be able to touch it. Jacob took one last detached look at the empty eyes of the corpse and turned away. He was fifteen and had just killed somebody. It was in self __defense. The guy had tried to rape him._

~o~

"Jake! Jake!" the voice of an angel called. Jacob came out of his memory with a gasp, glancing around wildly before settling on concerned emerald eyes.

"What?" he asked, perhaps a little too urgently. His eyes swept the room again... the guy on the floor was gone. He had been taken away, just as the man he had killed had been taken away. There was a gentle touch on his face, drawing his attention back around.

"Jake? What's wrong?" his bronze haired boy asked and all Jacob could think of was how he didn't deserve Edward. He was a horrible, horrible person. "Jake?" Jacob's heart clenched as he fought with himself. Edward deserved much better, but he was being selfish. He wanted Edward to find someone else, someone who wasn't a killer, but he couldn't let him go. He was a selfish person in the end. Jacob tightened his arms around Edward and took a deep, calming breath.

"Nothing's wrong, E," he said softly as he gazed deeply into concerned green eyes. Green eyes that were wide with anxiety.

"You weren't responding to me," Edward stressed and Jacob could see that he had been truly worried. "Where did you go?"

"Nowhere, E, I just zoned out. It's alright." Jacob maneuvered them gently so that Edward's head was against his shoulder. _He was fifteen..._

"You scared me, Jake," Edward murmured softly as he laid against Jacob. The words made him want to crawl into a hole.

"I'm sorry," Jacob whispered, lips against the soft bronze hair. "I don't deserve you. I'm not good enough for you. I'm sorry." There was a long pause and Jacob was almost afraid that Edward would listen to him this time. Then Edward sighed, the movement making Jacob realize suddenly how thin and fragile Edward felt within his arms.

"I thought we were past this, Jake," Edward finally said, pulling back a little to look Jacob in the eyes.

"Well, I guess some part of me will always..."

"Jake, whatever it is that's making you think you're less than worthy, just let it go. Whatever it is that you did in the past doesn't matter anymore. You're the most amazing person I have ever met, I just wish you'd trust yourself a little more. Believe in yourself. If you can't, then trust me. Trust me when I tell you that I don't deserve better because I've already found the best." The blush on Edward's face was so glorious, but the utter sincerity and determination in his eyes was even more so. Jacob swallowed hard. He felt... humbled. Leaning in, he pressed his forehead to Edward's and gave him a small smile.

"I do trust you, E. I trust you and I...," he cut off suddenly as he realized what he was about to say.

"And you what, Jake?" Edward asked, patient and hopeful. Jacob couldn't take it. Instead of answering, he captured his angel's soft, soft lips with his own in a tender declaration. Jacob didn't care that other people could see them. All he cared about was the look in Edward's eyes when they pulled apart. Edward understood what he had been too afraid to put into words and in return, Jacob knew that Edward was also afraid to put the same feelings into words.

Later when Nurse Alice was slipping the needle from Edward's bruised arm and Jacob was stroking the bronze hair in comfort, the absolute trust and devotion in Edward's eyes made his heart stop in his chest. Jacob fully accepted the fact that he was in love right then and there... because, lord, reality- this reality- was finally better than his dreams.

~o~

**Hi everyone! Thanks for reading! Sorry for the long wait! Please leave a review! Thanks again!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A City Apart**

**Chapter 6**

Edward had given him the wrong address, Jacob was sure of it. There was no way that the spectacular mansion in front of him was where he was supposed to be. It was way bigger than Jasper's house... and the place he shared with the gang could probably fit in the garage. There was no way. But he had double checked and the mansion was indeed the right address. As Jacob walked up the steps to the front door, he could swear that he was more nervous than the first time he had stolen something. Which, of course, was utterly ridiculous. Jacob Black was not a pansy. Seriously.

The large mahogany door swung open just as Jacob reached for the doorbell and he suddenly found himself with an armful of unrestrained joy. "Jake!" Edward exclaimed, his face pressed into Jacob's neck, "I've missed you!" Allowing a smile to curl his lips, Jacob leaned down and pressed a kiss to the bronze hair.

"I just saw you yesterday, E," he said, trying to pretend that the short time apart hadn't affected him at all.

"Still," Edward huffed before pulling back to meet Jacob's eyes. Jacob's heart stuttered ever so slightly as he took in Edward's sparkling green eyes and flawless face. No matter what Edward said, there was still that part of him that didn't think he was good enough to deserve this. Who was he to taint such beauty with the filth of the streets? But when Edward's smile slipped a little from the silence, Jacob pushed all that aside and leaned to capture those soft, soft lips with his own.

"Hey," Jacob sighed and stroked a thumb over Edward's cheek.

"What?"

Jacob kissed him again. "You're so beautiful, E." Edward blushed a dark red that contrasted sharply with the pale green shirt that Jacob just realized he was wearing.

"You're too sweet, Jake," Edward said shyly and intertwined their fingers. "Come on, we should go in."

"Wait!"

"What?"

"I...," Jacob started, but trailed off. "Are you sure about this, Edward?"

"What do you mean?" Edward frowned.

"I... You live here!" Jacob exclaimed, gesturing at the big mansion and the ocean visible beyond it. I'm from the streets, Edward. I'm part of a gang. Just look at me!" He gestured to himself, to his worn black jeans and gray shirt. "Your family won't like me. They'll see that I'm dangerous, even if you won't."

"Jake, not this again!"

"I'm serious, Edward! Just take a good look at me while imagining yourself in your parents' shoes. I'm not someone that you'll want for your child!"

"Stop it! Stop, Jake, please! It doesn't matter."

"Edward, don't be naïve. It does matter! I've done things..." Jacob trailed off again with a frustrated hand in his hair.

"I'm not naïve, Jake! I know... I know what it's like to not be enough for somebody, alright?" Edward's bottom lip trembled slightly at this and Jacob was so horrified at almost making him cry that he immediately stopped trying to argue. Instead, he gathered the green eyed boy close and whispered his apologies.

"It'll be okay, Jake. Trust me," Edward said eventually. "We should go in."

Jacob took a deep breath, filling his senses with the boy in his arms before nodding and squaring his shoulders.

"Okay."

A soft, tender kiss.

"Okay."

~o~

"This is delicious, Mrs. Cullen," Jacob said in between bites. He was trying to make a good impression, but the food was just so good! One would think he was starving by the way he's eating.

"Why thank you, Jacob. Here, have some more," Esme Cullen said with a small smile and proceeded to add more to his plate while everyone else snickered.

"Bro, you eat more than I do!" Emmett, Rosalie's fiancé, laughed. Jacob paused to give the big man a smirk before clearing off his plate and setting down the silverware. Only then did he realize everyone- Mr. And Mrs. Cullen, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and Alice (yes the nurse from the hospital who turned out to be Jasper's girlfriend)- was watching him closely. He immediately straightened and lifted his chin, putting on a mask of confidence that had become second nature to him. Under the table, Edward squeezed his hand.

"So, Jacob, what school do you go to?" Carlisle Cullen asked, somehow sounding gentle yet stern at the same time. Jacob gulped and squeezed Edward's hand.

"I don't." Jacob managed to sound confident, but he didn't think it was a good sign that both of Edward's parents raised an eyebrow at his answer. At least Edward's sibling and their respective significant other didn't look too surprised.

"You're a drop out?" Esme asked and Jacob couldn't identify her tone.

"Yes."

"What do you do then?" Carlisle asked in turn.

"I work as a mechanic," Jacob allowed, thinking that it would be best if he didn't tell the full truth. Up went the eyebrows again. Of course, this was a family that, in society's eyes, was way above a mechanic on the social status tier. Carlisle was the chief of cardiology and surgery at the hospital where Jacob had met Edward. Esme was a renowned interior designer that had designed various luxury hotels across the country as well as the grand mansion itself. Rosalie and Alice were both nurses while Jasper was on his way to becoming a psychologist and Emmett was deputy of the city police (which was rather scary considering the fact that Jacob and his gang routinely engaged in illegal activities). And while Edward wasn't old enough to have an active career, he supposedly had a high aptitude for music and had several published pieces.

"Dad," Edward started, "you don't have to interrogate him." Jacob shot him an appreciative look.

"Please don't interrupt," Carlisle said dismissively, barely looking at his son. Edward huffed but stayed quiet, giving Jacob an apologetic look. Jacob intertwined their hands under the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze. He won't be looked down upon.

~o~

"God, your parents hate me," Jacob groaned as he and Edward sat outside on the deck while everyone else was inside watching a movie or some other.

"They don't, Jake," Edward reassured him, leaning into his side on the lounge chair they were sharing. "Though I'm really sorry that they questioned you like that. My family is made up of ridiculously protective people. Dad would never admit it of course, he's so uptight and unwilling to show affection..." At this, Edward trailed off and Jacob glanced down to see a solemn expression on his face. He knew better than to ask even though he was rather curious about the family dynamic.

"It's alright. I'm just glad it's over... and I've gone through much worse," Jacob said, pulling Edward closer to him. He didn't have the heart to argue with the green eyed boy, but he just knew that Edward's parents didn't approve. He could only hope that they didn't forbid Edward from seeing him. At least Jasper and Alice seemed to like him. Rosalie was just Rosalie, the same tough nurse from the hospital and Emmett seemed nice enough. Jacob just preferred not to get too close to the big man since he was a police.

"Jake?" Edward suddenly asked.

"Yeah?"

"You know I don't care what my parents think right? You're still the super sweet person that I've come to know."

Jacob had to chuckle a little at that. "No one's ever used that word to describe me before and I never believed that I would ever hear it either." He brushed his lips against Edward's and felt a smile turn up the supple mouth.

"Well, I'm sorry to rain on your parade then." The two shared another kiss before Edward shifted so that his head was pillowed on Jacob's chest. The silence that settled over them was comforting and just what Jacob needed to relax from the stress of having to be questioned by Edward's parents. A long while passed before Edward spoke up again, his voice barely a whisper and full of vulnerability.

"Just... no matter what, Jake, please don't leave me."

For some reason, those words filled Jacob with an icy dread. His fingers brushed gently over soft bronze hair as his heart clenched painfully.

"Don't leave _me_, E."

~o~

The Cullens had a mini concert hall in their home. Jacob couldn't believe it when he had first stepped into the room. It was decorated up to the nines with custom spotlights, a gleaming stage, and plush couches. The most impressive, however, had to be the shiny black grand piano on the stage. He didn't even want to imagine how much the thing had cost.

"Jake?" Edward inquired beside him, most likely concerned by the dazed look on his face.

"This... this is incredible, Edward," Jacob breathed. "I've never even been to a concert hall before. I didn't think people could have them in their homes."

Edward blushed beautifully under the faint lighting. "Yeah, I'm a little spoiled." Jacob just shook his head. This was such a different world from his own.

"Come on, let's keep going," Edward said after a moment, trying to pull Jacob out the door to continue the tour of the house.

"No, wait. Play something first. You've got to be incredible for you to have your own concert hall."

"My parents are just crazy, that's all. Come on."

"No, really. Play something, Edward. Anything." When Edward continued to hesitate, Jacob slipped an arm around his waist and leaned down to kiss him as tenderly as he knew how. "Please? For me?" he asked when they had to come up for air. Edward pouted and swatted at him.

"Unfair, Jake."

"Hm... but you love it," Jacob said with a sly smirk and leaned in for another kiss before nudging Edward towards the stage. He settled himself onto the couch closest to the stage as Edward took his place on the piano bench. A shy yet exasperated look was thrown in his direction before the music started and Jacob was lost.

Jacob never knew music could be like this, never knew it could really touch every fiber of his being and fill him with emotions that he didn't know he had. He had heard the phrase that music moves the soul, but had never experienced it before this. Hell, he hadn't even believed he had any form of a soul before. Yet, as Edward coaxed the music out of the piano with every caress of the keys, Jacob felt a sense of tranquility that he had never felt before. As the feeling mixed with the almost overwhelming bubbling of love for the boy playing the piano, Jacob felt... at home. It was a foreign feeling, yet not unwelcomed. If only he didn't have the gang to go back to, he would gladly spend the rest of his life gaining the Cullens' approval so that he may always come home to this.

For the first time in his life, Jacob truly thought of the gang with resentment. It was keeping him from this life. And as long as he remained a part of it, he would never have this. He would always be some messed up kid living on the streets and earning pay through illegal activities. He would never be good enough for Edward... and that was unacceptable because he didn't have enough self control to stay away from the bronze haired boy so the only right thing to do was make himself better.

As he listened to the heartbreakingly tender music surrounding him, Jacob realized with a start that something had to change. He just didn't know what.

~o~

When the last note disappeared into the air, dark brown eyes met emerald and something smoldered between the two young lovers. A stretch of silence stretched between the two, full of unspeakable passion and an unbearable sweetness. As Jacob made his way slowly up the low stage, he was filled with a strange mix of hot and cold emotions that he didn't have the time or urge to name. Edward stood to meet him as Jacob sauntered slowly up to the piano. The shy, almost demure way those green eyes were watching him made a blazing heat gather in his loins and Jacob suddenly realized that he hadn't been laid in about a month since had and Edward started dating. That was a new record for him. Normally he would only go five days at the most before bedding someone. On top of being hot headed, he had a reputation for being promiscuous. He had changed more than he thought.

The heat building in his loins grew as Jacob reached out to encircle Edward in his arms and twirl them slowly in a circle. Feeling the slender body pressed against him made his blood boil with lust and he nearly shook with the desire to just take Edward here on the gleaming stage. But he knew he shouldn't, couldn't. Edward meant too much to him. So instead, he tried to settle for kissing his angel as passionately as he knew how. And if he grinded into Edward a few times, he couldn't help it. When Edward moaned loudly into his mouth, Jacob pulled him up so that Edward's legs were wrapped around his waist. They stayed wrapped up in each other for a few long, long minutes before finding themselves somehow sprawled across the piano bench making out with bruising intensity. When Jacob's hand trailed down to lift Edward's shirt, however, Edward sat up so quickly that their heads nearly crashed together.

"No, Jake," Edward panted, eyes wide and almost fearful. The fear made the throbbing in Jacob's pants subside just a little. Many people had looked at him like that before, but he never wanted to see the look in those green eyes. He took a deep breath, cooling the fire within.

"God, I'm so sorry, E," he blurted a few seconds later before he knew what he wanted to say. He winced when he saw how bruised Edward's lips were, even more so because of his Aplastic Anemia. "I didn't mean to lose control like that. I just... I... You were so gorgeous and I couldn't think straight listening to you play and... God, E, you're so perfect. Can you forgive me?" Jacob was mortified by his babbling, but it was worth it when Edward smiled slightly and moved to hug him a few seconds later.

"It's okay. It just scared me is all. I... uh... I haven't... uh...I've never... you know." Edward murmured and Jacob could hear the blush in his voice. "I'm not...I'm not ready for that yet. Okay?"

"Ok," Jacob said before he was ready, both excited and dejected. Several moments later, he couldn't help but wonder what he was going to do about his libido until then.

~o~

Something was up. An uneasy feeling had been nagging at Jacob ever since he had come back to the gang after the dinner at the Cullen's four days ago. Same had kept up a constant stream of things for him to do. It was "deliver these drugs, deliver this message, go pick up this, meet me here, go paint this" over and over until Jacob literally fell into bed ever night, utterly exhausted. Worse yet, Sam had appointed Paul to go with Jacob _everywhere_ he went even though it was a well known fact that Jacob loathed the man. Needless to say, he hadn't been able to see Edward at all, which frustrated him to no end. And as his frustration and suspicion grew day by day, his anger threatened to explode. His temper was more than eager to rear its ferocious head again.

~o~

"I've had enough!" Jacob yelled, slamming his fist into the table. "Leave me alone already!" Paul gave him a cool look and followed it with a smirk.

"Alpha's orders," he said smugly and Jacob itched to punch that smirk right off the ugly face. With Paul watching his every move, he had only just been able to sneak a text to Edward, vaguely explaining why they hadn't been able to see each other for six days now. Thankfully, Edward had said he was busy too and therefore didn't have the time to see Jacob anyway. But Jacob was done with this shit. He felt like a caged animal without Edward's soothing presence. Same wanted to keep an eye on him for some reason (and he was paranoid as to why) but he couldn't stand to be treated like a hostage anymore.

"Since when were you the right hand man, huh?" he accused Paul, seething.

"Since you started chasing your little rich boy," Paul said nonchalantly, though his smug expression grew more menacing. Jacob was shocked into silence for a good three seconds before finding his voice again.

"How did you know?" he finally choked out, hating himself for how weak he sounded. But this was so unexpected, how did Paul know? Did Embry tell? He wouldn't. Would he?

"Please, Jakey boy, I've been onto you for awhile now. That's why Same has me following you around. He could hardly believe that you of all people would betray the gang by messing around with some rich little slut that knows nothing of the hard lives we have to live."

...

Jacob saw red.

With a loud roar, his fist flew out and punched Paul squarely in the face. It happened so fast that the other man had no time to react. Paul slammed into the wall but didn't fall down. Instead, he fixed Jacob with a glare so full of hatred that anyone else would've cowered under it. The look only served to infuriate Jacob more.

"Oh, protective are we?" Paul sneered, wiping blood from the corner of his mouth. Jacob growled. He didn't even know he was capable of making such an animalistic sound.

"What did you think could come of this, Jacob? Stop being so delusional. Did you think that this would end well? He'll realize that you're nobody, that you have no means of supporting yourself without the gang. You're just someone that society forgot about. None of us amount to anything, Jacob. When he realizes this, he'll cast you aside just like the rest of the world and you'll have nothing but us to crawl back to."

"You better stop talking," Jacob growled, cutting off anything else that Paul wanted to say with a violent shake. When Paul spat at him, he didn't hesitate to throw another punch. As Paul doubled over in pain, Jacob couldn't control the rage within him and proceeded to pummel Paul with the ferocity of a madman. Had his gang mates not stopped him, he probably would've beaten Paul to death. The cold monster in him that he had been warning Edward against wished that they hadn't stopped him.

Later, however, he would wonder why the situation had gotten out of hand so quickly.

~o~

"I should kick you out of this gang, Jacob," Sam said coldly, his black eyes dark and dangerous.

"What's stopping you then?" Jacob asked, just as cold, chin lifted in defiance. He was not afraid. The pain in his hands reminded him that he was strong. This was who he was. Unafraid. Fierce. Cold. The other side of him, the one that loved Edward and was loved in return did not exist in this part of his life.

"This isn't the time to mouth off," Same warned. Jacob shut his mouth (he wasn't suicidal) but kept the defiance burning bright in his eyes. "You broke the vow you made when you were fully initiated. Instead of being loyal to your gang and gang mates, you have chosen to focus your attention on someone that's not even remotely a part of this world. You have gone so far as to start a relationship with that boy." At this, Sam paused to light a cigarette and take a deep drag from it. Jacob remained silent, seething angrily at the derogatory tone Sam used to talk about Edward. He wanted nothing more than to shake off the three pairs of hands holding him down, but he knew even he wasn't that strong physically.

"Worse, you beat up one of your gang mates so badly that he's now in the hospital. I would ask, Jacob, why, but I think we all know the answer. You've fallen in way too deep with that fragile little boy of yours that you shouldn't even have gotten involved with in the first place."

"So why don't you just kick me out? You said it, I broke the rules. I should be exiled," Jacob said coolly.

"Oh, but that'd be too simple. It's what you want, isn't it? To be free of us, we who have provided you food and shelter for years. You would just turn your back on us for what? Love? You know nothing about love, Jacob. So... no. I'm not exiling you because that's more of a reward than a punishment even though you have no where to go anyway," Sam decided, tossing his cigarette butt into the ash tray on the table.

"It'll take whatever you give me as long as you stop spying on me and holding me hostage," Jacob said. He meant it. He could handle physical punishment.

"I hardly think you're in any position to make deals, Jacob," Sam said with a mean smirk. "However, I am."

Jacob tensed in his seat despite his effort to look nonchalant. He knew Same could be truly cruel if he wanted, and had the power to carry out his threats.

"You have two choices. One, you swear to never see the boy again and it'll be hard work from there. If I find out you break the promise... let's just say you don't want to know what'll happen. Two, you bring him here in three days for a little "gang initiation". If he passes, you'll be able to see him as much as you want with minimal interference from us." Jacob's heart sank as Sam's smile grew.

"That's hardly fair," Jacob spat, suddenly wishing that he could turn back time and take back those punches he had thrown at Paul, "either way, I lose." He couldn't stand the thought of never seeing Edward again. He was too selfish. But he couldn't risk Edward getting hurt either. He'd never be able to live with himself.

"It _is_ meant to be a punishment, Jacob," Sam said, as if talking to a small child. "Your actions, your choice. You have three days to decide and you may see your boy for the three days. Just keep in mind, if you try anything clever or try to undermine me at all, I'll know. I promise you will not like the consequences."

Jacob growled low in his chest. Well, shit.

~o~

**AN: For those of you who are still reading this story, thank you. Sorry for taking such a long time in between updates. **


	7. Chapter 7

**A City Apart**

**Chapter 6**

_The point of the night was to make him as afraid as possible...to see how much he could take without breaking. If he broke, well, then he wouldn't be accepted into the gang. It was as simple as that. Jacob knew all this, but he was only thirteen after all and couldn't help feeling a churning dread in his gut as he was left in the dark corner of a nameless alley. He had to survive this night, this initiation, to finally truly belong. So why did the shadows around him look so ominous? Why did his future gang mates look so menacing? The faint moonlight and the flickering of a dying street lamp glinted off the eyes of those around him, making them appear animalistic. Hungry._

_ "There's no backing off now," Sam's deep voice growled as he took a step forward. _

_ Jacob gulped inaudibly and fought the urge to turn tail and run. He was strong. He could take whatever these people wanted to do to him. He'll show them that he wasn't a weakling, that he was STRONG. _

_ "I'm not a coward," Jacob stated firmly, chin lifting in pride and youthful confidence. Not two seconds later and he found himself stumbling as his jaw throbbed from a well aimed punch. Cursing, he put a hand to his jaw, not having expected the punch to come so soon. Not that he let the pain stop him of course. When the next punch came flying, there was an inferno inside him that threatened to explode even as it burned away the pain. Jacob took the second punch with an inward curse bu refused to show anything more than that. It wasn't a moment later before the other five joined Sam in throwing punches and insulting words. As expected of him, Jacob (nose bleeding and covered in bruises) came to a realization. All of his future gang mates (including Sam) were looking at him with respect and guarded fear in their dark eyes. It made the cold fire within Jacob burn with an intensity never experienced before. They feared him and... it was a good feeling._

_ "Impressive, Black," Sam said, breaking the tension in the air as he created a new kind of tension. "Now, you know what's next." Jacob let the cold fire burn through him then, making his bloody face blank and his heart as cold as the reinforced steel that kept it locked and hidden. Yes, he knew what was next._

_ Instinct made him fight and struggle as they advanced on him even though he had already shut himself off from the world. It wasn't long before the bigger boys had wrestled and pinned him to the dirty ground. Jacob felt his dirty, bloody fingers scrape across the grimy asphalt in a desperate struggle for stability as his clothes were torn from his well muscled body. The inferno consumed him then. All he remembered after the first ungentle touch up on his heated skin was the burn of that bitter fire and the rage that cascaded through him. And maybe he should've felt fear when the terrible pain came, but he didn't. Not a single scream escaped him that night. Not a single tear fell from his eyes. Just as not a single flash of fear crossed his mind._

_ He made a name for himself that night. He was Jacob Black. He didn't know fear because fire wasn't afraid. He didn't shed tears because the bitter coldness within him froze them and used them to build a wall around his locked away heart. The only thing that Jacob Black knew from the night was the all consuming cold and fiery inferno of rage and hate within him that promised to destroy, promised to hurt them back._

~o~

Jacob woke with a gasping breath as he struggled to shake the dream from his mind. The memory of that night was something he kept locked away with all that he had. It only ever surfaced when he was really, really stressed. Which wasn't often as he was usually apathetic and therefore unflappable. The last time he had the dream was when Quil died. Nobody's died this time, but... What was it that Sam had said?

"Bring him here in three days for a little gang initiation."

God.

He couldn't do that. He wouldn't. There was no way that Jacob was going to put Edward through an experience remotely similar to the one had gone through. Even he wasn't that coldhearted. But again.

Jacob also wasn't selfless enough to choose the alternative of never seeing the bronze haired boy again.

Sitting up in bed, Jacob heaved a great sigh. He wasn't getting anywhere with this indecision. And yet, he was _afraid_ to decide. What if he was more coldhearted and selfish than he had thought? What if he wanted Edward so much (and it was very much) that he would be willing to do something atrocious so that he could have him? Even more, who said Edward would still want him if Jacob put him through the so called initiation? It's highly likely that he wouldn't. Had their situations been reversed Jacob knew he would probably hate Edward forever for manipulating him into so much pain and humiliation.

God.

He's never had such a hard time choosing between being selfless and selfish, good and bad. He had always chosen bad... and his selfish side had always won.

~o~

Unable to go back to bed, Jacob found himself across town tossing pebbles at Edward's bedroom window in the middle of the night. The ridiculousness of the situation didn't escape him, but Jacob didn't care. He wanted to see Edward. Now.

A handful of pebbles later, the window finally opened to reveal a very sleepy Edward with the craziest case of bedhair Jacob has ever seen.

"Who is it?" Edward grunted, causing Jacob to snort in laughter. Not that he actually laughed. It was just a snort.

"It's me."

"Jacob?" Edward gasped, definitely more awake by the sound of it. "What are you doing here?! It's the middle of the night!"

"I couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd come to see you. Can I come in?" Edward only hesitated for a second before nodding and telling him to go to the front door. Almost smiling in anticipation, Jacob made it to the door in only a few seconds.

"Don't make a sound," Edward said when the door swung open. Nodding, Jacob stepped deftly into the house and closed the door with his foot before gathering Edward close. The now familiar scent of the green eyed boy did wonders to the last of his frayed nerves from the dream.

"You alright, Jake?" Edward asked after awhile of the embrace.

"Yea, I'm fine," Jacob said, holding on a little tighter.

"You're lying," Edward sighed perceptive as always, "but I'm too tired to argue with you so it can wait until morning."

"Thanks for your act of mercy. I vow to repay your acts of kindness."

"Oh shut up. I'm too tired for this." Snorting at the groggy reply, Jacob finally loosened his hold on Edward just enough so he can trace the exhausted yet beautiful face with his eyes. His heart swelled with warmth at the sight of Edward's tired smile and he couldn't resist pressing a gentle kiss to those delectable lips.

"Sorry for waking you up," Jacob apologized sincerely before sweeping Edward up into his arms and effectively silencing any reply Edward may have wanted to give. To his credit, Edward only squeaked quietly in surprise before pouting.

"I'm not a princess you know." But he didn't struggle.

"You'd make a god one," Jacob smirked as he made his way through the house to Edward's room. Seriously, the boy needed to put on a few pounds. He felt no heavier than a child in Jacob's arms. Edward huffed in disagreement but made no more protests. By the time they get to the room, his eyes were drooping.

With the utmost care, Jacob laid his angel down on the bed and covered him with the still slightly warm blankets. He didn't bother to hide the pure affections he experienced as he watched his bronze haired boy sigh in contentment. Jacob waited a few more seconds before turning to leave, feeling as if he had overstayed his welcome (it being the middle of the night and all).

"Hey, where are you going?"

"Um... Out?" Jacob shook his head at himself. Seriously with the insecurity? He looked back at Edward a second later with his patented confidence, however. "Unless," he drawled, smirking, "you want me to sleep with you." Shameless as ever, Jacob gave Edward a leer for added effect. Even in the dim light of the small nightlight, Jacob could see the raging blush that spread across the pale face as Edward spluttered. When Edward couldn't seem to form a coherent sentence, however, Jacob took pity and pulled his mind out of the gutter that it had suddenly dove into.

"Do you want me to stay?" Jacob asked as gently as he knew how.

"Please," Edward said, blushing anew. Not saying anything else, Jacob toed off his shoes and slipped under the covers. He barely registered how comfortable the bed was (the most comfortable one he'd ever laid on) as he tentatively pulled Edward to him, making sure the other boy could move away if he wanted to. Foreheads touching, sharing the same air, the two of the stared affectionately at each other.

"Hey," Jacob whispered, lips curling into a small smile. "You're so beautiful."

"Jake," Edward breathed, eyes full of adoration, unspoken feelings pulsing in that one word.

Jacob closed the miniscule distance between them and kissed Edward as tenderly as he knew how. And later, when Edward was snuggled deep in his arms, sleeping, Jacob couldn't imagine anything... anything that felt more right. He never even felt this before in all the time that he'd held Quil in his arms. And that seems like such a long ,long time ago.

Brushing a kiss on Edward's head, Jacob came to a decision. He wasn't going to choose never seeing Edward again, but he wasn't going to let Edward get hurt by his gang mates while he stood by. He's going to play his own rules this time.

~o~

Only hours after sneaking out of Edward's house at dawn, Jacob was at the doorstep of the grand house again. This time he chose the more socially acceptable of seeking entrance by ringing the doorbell. He didn't have to wait long before the door swung open to reveal Mrs. Cullen with a frazzled expression on her face. "What... oh it's you."

Not the best greeting ever, but of course, Jacob had heard worse.

"Good morning, Mrs. Cullen," Jacob politely greeted, wanting to be on his best behavior, "may I see Edward?"

Esme pursed her lips, hesitating. "Mom, let him in!" Edward's voice called from within the house. Jacob thought he sounded a bit strange. Heaving a sigh, Esme stepped aside to let him in.

"Thank you, Mrs. Cullen," Jacob said sincerely, though it sucked to have Edward's parents dislike him.

"You're welcome, Jacob," Esme replied, smiling a little and making Jacob feel a little better. "I'm sorry for being such a bad host. It's been a stressful morning." Jacob was about to inquire what she meant, but his words were forgotten as they entered the kitchen.

Edward was sitting on the floor, shirtless, with a bloody paper towel pressed to his face by Carlisle, who had a mildly concerned expression on his face. What caught most of Jacob's attention, however, was the large bruises scattered over Edward's pale skin from his face down to his waist line. He looked like he had been in some major fight with giants. Only, he hadn't. It had been a fight against biology, against the disease in his blood. The sight made Jacob's heart ache so much that he actually lifted a hand to press against his chest.

"Here, Edward, hold this. I need to check over your bruises," Carlisle said. Jacob watched Edward lift a hand to the blood soaked towel pressed to his nose and saw that the pale arm had its share of bruises as well. God. Jacob hadn't known it was this bad! He had just seen Edward sleeping peacefully this morning! When green eyes lifted to meet brown, Jacob took a step forward and dropped to the floor next to Edward.

"E, what happened?" he blurted, gently taking the hand that Edward offered to him. Out of his peripheral vision, Jacob saw a pile of bloody paper towels in the trash. It made him sick to his stomach. Instead of answering him, however, Edward shook his head and leaned against him, causing Jacob's heart to speed up in concern.

"His platelet count is too low," Carlisle said, looking up to meet Jacob's eyes. Platelet. The thing that helps your blood clot. Jacob had read about them when he was researching Aplastic Anemia.

"Oh." He didn't know what else to say.

"Don't worry, we're going to do a platelet transfusion now," Carlisle reassured him while Esme gave Edward a fresh paper towel. "Come on, Edward, let's stand up so you can go lie down in the living room."

"Okay," Edward said and allowed himself to be helped up by Jacob. After giving Jacob and Esme (though she knew the drill by now) quick instructions to get Edward situated, Carlisle hurried away to grab the transfusion kit.

"You want me to carry you?" Jacob asked when Edward stumbled. Edward shook his head but stumbled again, this time losing his balance before Jacob caught him. "Let me help, E. It's okay," he said, gathering Edward up into his arms.

"Do you want a blanket, Edward?" Esme asked when Jacob set him down on the indicated couch.

"I'm okay, Mom," Edward said in a weary voice. "Thanks."

"You're welcome, dear. Call me if you need anything okay? I'm leaving you here with Jacob."

"Okay."

Esme kissed Edward on the forehead and gave Jacob a pat on the shoulder before leaving.

"Wait," Jacob breathed, exaggerating his surprise to lighten the moment, "does you mom actually like me?"

"Yeah."

"No way."

"She thinks you're sweet," Edward said and Jacob could see a faint twinkle of amusement in the green eyes.

"Right. Now I know you're lying." Sweet? Jacob had never, ever been described as such. There was no way Esme thought he was sweet. Edward was just teasing. They sat holding hands in comfortable silence for awhile before Edward spoke up again.

"Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"Sorry I'm not beautiful anymore."

Jacob gaped at Edward. "Nonsense, Edward. You'll always be beautiful to me."

"Even with all these ugly bruises?" Edward asked, sounding so insecure that Jacob's heart ached anew. He had a fleeting suspicion that Edward was speaking from past hurt.

"Even with the bruises."

~o~

They were on the pier, hours after Edward's platelet transfusion. It had taken some persuasion on Edward's part, but his parents had eventually relented and let them out. Much to Jacob's relief. It was relaxing to be walking hand in hand while the last light of sunset faded into night. And though Edward's bruises were still visible, a stark reminder of the morning, Jacob made himself look beyond the purple-ish splotches and focus on the soothing walk.

"So what did you mean the other night? When you said you know how it feels to not be enough for someone?" Jacob cringed slightly at how his question seemed to pierce the calm, but the question had been nagging at the back of his mind for awhile now.

Green eyes, sea-green in this light, swept up to meet his and the sadness there made Jacob almost sorry for asking. The hand in his slipped away gently as Edward turned away from him to lean against the fence separating them from the glassy water below and beyond. Jacob consciously kept himself from pulling Edward into his arms, knowing Edward needed time to think. Five minutes later, however, Jacob was about to say nevermind to the whole thing when Edward finally spoke.

"I was diagnosed when I was ten. It wasn't a big deal back then. I only had a really mild case of the anemia. The disease gets worse over time though, so I eventually started more transfusions with more stays in the hospital. I was fourteen when I met her."

"Her?" Jacob whispered, crossing his arms to prevent himself from taking possessive (and totally inappropriate) actions. Stupid male hormones. Edward was trying to tell him an obviously painful story and all his libido could think of was the fact that he might have competition. Perhaps sensing his discomfort, Edward put a hand on his arm to reassure him. It worked. Somewhat. But Jacob nodded for Edward to continue.

"Her name was Bella. She was the same age as me and was in the hospital after a surgery. She had brain cancer. We became fast friends and hung out a lot the first couple months of our friendship, but then her cancer worsened and the tumor in her brain grew to the point that she lost sense of reality. She started calling me her angel and became convinced that I would save her. Whenever I would go visit her at her house she would greet my by asking whether I had come to save her." Edward uttered a sigh at this and looked up at Jacob with sad eyes. Jacob could see where this was going, but didn't say anything. He knew Edward needed to get the story out.

"The stupid part was she'd get even more angry when I showed up at her house with bruises. She would scream that ugly people shouldn't be able to enter her house, that only angels were allowed. It hurt when she said stuff like that but I forgave her because she was so sick. Near the end, Bella didn't even recognize me anymore. She only knew me as the angel or the ugly. I don't think she remembered our friendship or any of the adventures we had together. It hurt so bad watching her deteriorate and not being able to do anything about it. I wanted to help. I really did."

Jacob's heart clenched at the tremble in Edward's voice and he reached out to hold the bronze haired boy close, offering support. Edward leaned into his embrace and rested his head against Jacob's shoulder. And god, Jacob wished he could stop the tremors coursing through the thin body. He knew it must have been so hard to lose a good friend to something like that. There was more to the story too and for once, Jacob felt like he could be the most patient person in the world...just so the precious boy in his arms could feel more at peace.

"It was almost a full year after I met Bella that she passed away. I don't think...god, Jake, she was so angry. SO angry. She resented her death right up to the end. The last words she said to me, right before she died were..." here Edward trailed off and clutched Jacob tightly. Jacob could feel a dampness gather at the collar of his shirt where Edward had pressed his face and the tremors racing through the thin body had become a violent shaking. He ran a soothing hand repeatedly through the bronze hair and held Edward closer.

"What did she say, E?" he asked as softly as he could.

"She said..."

"It's alright. Take your time."

"She said, 'Edward! You promised you would save me. You were supposed to save me! How could you do this? How could you let me die? You were supposed to be my angel.'" Edward paused on a sob and Jacob wanted to go back in time and punch the girl for hurting Edward like that. "I told her I was sorry, but she wouldn't hear it. Then she slapped me right across the face and told me that at least I would go to hell ugly with all the bruises on me."

Jacob burned with fury as Edward sobbed in his arms. He hated Bella then. Hated her so much though it was stupid to hurt someone that he'd never met. Someone that wasn't even alive. But then this fury got dampened by Edward's tears as Jacob tried to comfort him. He couldn't go back and undo what had been done, but he could be in the present to comfort his beautiful green eyed boy.

Later, after the near hysterical sobs had ceased (and Jacob had never seen anyone cry like that) and the tears had stopped, Edward confided in him that he had always felt guilty because he knew he hadn't been enough for Bella to have a peaceful death. It was one of those things that pained him constantly. And Jacob had offered words of comfort that were full of sincerity but lacked the power to take away Edward's pain. So he had shared his own story. He told Edward about Quil and how he hadn't been enough to save him. It was hard to tell and Jacob had found himself pausing to take deep breaths and squeeze Edward tighter to him, but when the green eyes peered up at him with new understanding and gratitude, he knew he had done right by sharing.

That evening, the green eyed boy and the street hardened young man found a new kind of peace as they walked hand in hand on the pier. They knew that they both shared a similar hurt and had found them more attuned than they ha previously thought. The two of them relished the peace as they shared a long, deep, soul binding kiss, knowing that what they had wouldn't last forever. It wouldn't even last a whole day. Jacob would later come to realize that it was the last deep breath they had the chance to take before everything fell apart around them.

**AN: Hey guys, sorry for the long wait. If you're still following this thank you. Your support is much appreciated!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A City Apart**

**Chapter 8**

It was day two of the three day ultimatum that Sam had given him. Jacob was going to play the unexpected card and show up with Edward a day early. Perhaps catching Sam unprepared would give him the advantage to negotiate his way out of the situation. At least, he hoped so. The problem, of course, was getting Edward in and out safely.

They were sitting on opposite ends of the couch in Edward's room, legs tangled together in the casual way of lazy days that Jacob half wished he had known before. Edward was reading to himself and Jacob was content to watch the brief flickers of emotions slide across the beautiful face as the story came to life in Edward's mind. It should always be like this. Life should always be this beautiful, this simple. Jacob couldn't remember a time when he had felt so content and yet so conflicted at the same time. He let the silence in the room remain for as long as it needed to, taking the time to drink in the sight of the amazing boy before him.

If he were to die now...

"Jake?" Edward said, voice quiet, breaking Jacob out of his musings. Jacob took a moment to feel the amusement in Edward's voice as it floated through his mind, and another moment to feel the slight flutter in his chest as he looked at the sparkle in the green eyes.

"Yea?" he could feel his lip curl in the slightest of smiles...and it felt good enough to be smiling at Edward that Jacob didn't bother to question it.

"You were staring at me." Edward said, his smile so much bigger than Jacob's, filling up the room. And it was so bittersweet. Jacob knew then, that whatever happens, if something bad were to happen to Edward, he would never be able to really live again.

"Does it bother you?" Jacob asked, waggling his eyebrows, teasing.

"No."

"You sure?"

"Yep." Edward laughed, the sound tinkling in the air. "Sorry if I'm boring you, Jack. This book is just so good."

"Oh no, I'm happy that you find a book more entertaining than me. How could I even begin to compare to those pages and pages of awesome?"

That was another thing. Lately, Jacob had found himself more and more open to saying stupid things and just...having fun. The definition of fun had been almost gone from his being for so long that it's rediscovery was, as cliche as it was to say, really a breath of fresh air.

"Shut up, Jake," Edward laughed, kicking his leg good naturally. Jacob would work at being fun just for that. "Seriously though, if you're bored we could go do something else. The book can always wait."

"I like this," Jacob said honestly. "It's nice. It's peaceful...it just feels so simple...I really like this and...uh...I'll shut up now." Mentally face-palming, Jacob was one again really glad that he couldn't actually blush too visibly.

Edward snorted at him and settled back to read. "You can't fool me, Jake. You're a real sap on the inside."

"Hey..."

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. You can just be my sap."

Jacob would never, ever, admit it, but he actually liked the sound of that. At this rate, Edward would turn him into a total marshmallow. He couldn't let that happen. At least, not yet. He didn't quite dare imagine it, but Jacob wondered what it would be like if someday he wouldn't have to put on his armor of tough persona to survive. It'd probably be nice not having to be strong and tough, not having to worry about standing up to Sam, keeping Edward safe, dealing with the gang.

Maybe it was time to actually consider leaving the gang for good, no matter how hard that would be. No matter the cost of him getting out.

"Come here." He knew he was subjecting himself to further teasing, but Jacob didn't care. His image was already to shot to pieces in Edward's eyes anyway.

"Why?" The twinkle in Edward's eyes let Jacob know that he wasn't off the hook yet. Instead of answering, Jacob made a lunge to grab Edward...and missed him by an inch as Edward had somehow seen his intent and had scrambled away just in time with a squeal of laughter and the soft sound of his book falling to the floor. Jacob quickly jumped to his feet and proceeded to chase Edward around his very spacious room. The chase could easily have ended a lot sooner than it did but they drew it out through silent agreement, enjoying the carefree energy and being in love with the excitement of a new relationship. The best part was that Jacob felt truly in love and it just felt so good to not have to worry about the pending consequences for a few more minutes.

By the time Jacob finally caught Edward in his arms, both of them were panting and grinning. It had been so long since a grin had stretched Jacob's face and he found himself enjoying every bit of it. With Edward securely in his arms, Jacob twirled him around and around the room, spinning to the music of happiness like two professional dancers on a polished dance floor. When they finally stopped spinning, Jacob was just as surprised as Edward at the sound of his own laughter.

"Jake," Edward breathed as he gazed up at Jacob in wonderment and touched a hand to Jacob's slightly flushed face. "You laughed! I've never heard you laugh before!"

"I..." he didn't really know what to say, still very much in shock from laughing for the first time in so long.

"You should laugh more, Jake. It suits you." Jacob couldn't think of anything else, then, that took his breath away like Edward did when he looked like that; green eyes full of adoration, lips tilted just so, faint bruises still visible on his face. Leaning in, Jacob kissed the boy he had fallen head over heels for as deeply as he knew how, pouring all of the simmering passion he could into the kiss. He barely felt Edward wrap his arms around his neck, barely felt himself lifting the slender bronze haired boy to deepen their kiss further. Seconds later, they found themselves on Edward's bed, making out like it was the last time. They barely paused to breathe and Jacob felt as if they were both trying to consume the other. Jacob's pants were getting uncomfortably tight...and he had to fight the urge to grind down like he wanted to, knowing in the back of his mind that Edward wasn't ready to take this too far yet. But dear god, as the waves of lust crashed through his mind over and over again, Jacob found his control stretching very, very thin. The only reason he was able to restrain himself was the fear of ruining everything if he turned into the horndog he was and pushed the physicality of their relationship too far.

Later, after Jacob had stopped vibrating from passionate energy and his skin had stopped burning from lust, the two of them laid side by side, sharing kisses every so often, somehow not quite able to give up the taste of each other long enough to stop completely. Jacob's dark brown eyes were warm with pure adoration as he brushed a gentle thumb across Edward's kiss bruised lips. The smile that Edward gifted him was shy, affectionate, and it made the feeling of warmth and contentment grow a little more around Jacob's thawing heart. Learning in, Jacob pressed another kiss to those lips, savoring the sensation, the rightness, the delicate tenderness Edward reciprocated with.

"I love you,y," he whispered, softly, almost inaudibly, conviction staining his words. His heart clenched slightly, waiting for the inevitable demise the three words were sure to bring. But he had to say them. He had to. And if everything were to fall to ruin, at least Edward would know that Jacob loved him. That for a while in time, what existed between them was pure and golden and most importantly; _theirs_. "Edward, I love you." He sat up and looked down at the green eyed boy, willing him to say something, anything in return.

Whatever he had been expecting, Jacob hadn't expected Edward to tear up. A heartbeat later, Jacob found himself with an armful of Edward, getting the breath squeezed out of him with the force of Edward's embrace. Assuming that it was a good reaction, Jacob squeezed back gently.

He felt rather than heard Edward murmur the three words back, lips pressed to Jacob's neck, right over his pulse. And it was okay, that Edward didn't say them out loud, because Jacob knew they were there. He also knew that Edward couldn't say them out loud just yet because he was afraid, just as Jacob was, that by saying the three words, everything they have would be gone...

~o~

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

They're back to the comfortable quiet, this time lounging lazily on Edward's bed. Edward was leaning contently against Jacob, reading, while Jacob ran his hand gently up and down Edward's arm. Swallowing nervously, Jacob made sure that he had Edward's full attention before speaking.

"Did you...would you want to come see my place? And you know, maybe meet two of my friends?" Jacob wanted to blurt out that Edward should just say no, and tell him why, but he couldn't think of any other way to do this. He didn't know what other choice he had besides taking in Edward to the gang early so that maybe he could use the element of surprise to his advantage.

The look that Edward gave him said that he knew Jacob was up to something that he should be wary of. "Sure. Right now?"

"Yeah," Jacob said, heart starting to pound. He had such a bad feeling about the whole thing and yet he couldn't ignore Sam's ultimatum. That would be just as dangerous, if now more so. He could barely meet Edward's too perceptive gaze, knowing that Edward could see right through him... It was a wonder that Edward still trusted him. It was more than he deserved and Jacob just hoped that nothing bad would happen.

No matter how hard he hoped, however, he couldn't keep his heart from beating out a frantic rhythm as the two of them drove across the city.

~o~

Jacob really didn't know if it was luck or a bad omen when they arrived and found everyone except for Embry and Seth gone. Because it was just Embry and Seth (his only friends), however, there was no immediate threat. But Jacob couldn't shake off the feeling that he was walking into a trap, which was ridiculous because this place was supposed to be home after all. The bad feeling in his stomach refused to subside though- because...so much for surprise- and be kept a tight grip on Edward's hand, vowing that no matter what happens he would not let him go.

"Where is everyone?" Jacob asked Embry as they stepped into the house.

"Not sure. I think they'll be back soon, though," Embry said, his tone cautious, perhaps not wanting Edward to know just what the gang was up to. At Embry's ominous tone, Jacob had to consciously suppress the little voice in the back of his mind telling him to just get the hell out of the place. He had to do this. He had to see this through, somehow.

"Guys, this is Edward. Edward, this is Embry and Seth," he said casually, and pointedly kept from glaring a challenge at his friends when they shook Edward's hand in greeting. The acknowledgment had been a long time coming but he definitely needed to reign in his overly potent testosterone.

"Nice to meet you, Edward. Sorry this place is such a dump," Seth smiled, and he seemed genuine enough.

"It's fine. I think it's actually pretty cool that you guys have a place all to yourselves."

"Ah, nice words to match your pretty face. Should have expected it. I can see why Jacob likes you so much." Seth waggled his eyebrows at Edward, looking strangely like Jacob as he did so, and Edward blushed at the attention. "Come on, I'll show you around if you want. It's kind of fun to have a visitor for a change."

Edward looked to Jacob to make sure that it was alright. It really wasn't, Jacob didn't want to have Edward out of his sight for one second, but he could tell that Embry wanted to talk to him alone. He was going to have to trust his friends. Seth wouldn't do anything inappropriate, he knew that.

"Yeah, go ahead, E. I'll meet you guys up in my room, ok?" He tried to sound nonchalant, not like the tangled ball of nerves he felt like inside, but knew that he hadn't really succeeded when Edward gave him a questioning look. Pulling Edward to him, he took a breath of lemon and honey to calm himself. _I don't know why I"m so afraid all of a sudden. I d don't want anything to happen to you, _he thought but didn't say. Instead, he murmured that he would be right up into Edward's soft copper hair and pressed a soft kiss to the familiar lips and let him go. Jacob tried to convey to Seth that he was trusting him as a friend with a sincere look, and felt only marginally better when Seth nodded at him. When they were out of sigh, Jacob turned back to Embry to see him looking after Edward and Seth.

"Embry?"

"He's beautiful, Jacob. I don't even like guys, but lord, he really is something," Embry said, almost as if he were in a trance.

"Hey..."

"Relax, I"m not going to do anything. I'm just saying. Jesus, Jacob, don't be so territorial."

"Yeah, sorry. I'm just really on edge for some reason." Embry turned to look at him then, and the seriousness in his eyes made Jacob's heart race again.

"I'm going to be honest, Jacob, you really shouldn't have brought him here. Obviously, he's accepted who you are and stuff but I'm really starting to have a bad feeling about this."

"Yeah, me too, but Sam said..."

"I know what Sam said, but this is too dangerous. You need to get out before he comes back. He's not going to let Edward or you go without some kind of confrontation, you know that. And I see that you and Edward mean a lot to each other. I really do. That's why I'm saying this. I don't want it to end badly. I don't want anything to happen to either of you. Especially not him. It's not fair."

"But Embry, what else am I supposed to do? I can't not ever see him again. I really can't." Jacob stressed, pacing around the tiny living room.

"Jacob, listen to me. You'll have to decide what's more important here. It'll be better if you let him go the easy way. It'll be better, safer. Break up with him, tell him why you can't see him anymore. It'll be hard but it would be better than the alternative. If something were to happen and he got hurt...you don't want to take that risk do you? Even if he didn't get hurt, do you think he'll still want to be with you after really seeing our world?

"He won't just give up on me that easily, Embry. You don't know him. You don't know what we have here!" His hands were clenching, a sure fire sign of the impending rush of the all too familiar anger that he had somehow kept at bay for a few days now.

"Jacob, you're young...you'll move on..." Embry started, but Jacob cut him off with a growl.

"Don't give me that talk, Embry. Being young means nothing in this world and you know that. Don't try to pretend that it's any kind of excuse. And don't ask me to do this. I've already lost so much, I can't lose him too. I don't know if I could survive another heartbreak."

Before Embry could reply, the sound of Edward's laughter echoed through the house, making Jacob's heart race even more. He couldn't give that up. And as the sound faded, absorbed into the house, Jacob knew what he had to do.

"Jake..."

"No. I'm not going to let Sam control my life any more. I thought this life was all I'll ever know, but I know better now. Things could be so much better. Now that I've had a taste of what could be, I'd rather take a gamble for it than return to this. Do you understand what I'm saying, Embry? I can't stay here any more. I can't be a part of this life anymore." Jacob was practically begging Embry to understand. He needed Embry to understand, to give him the go ahead so that he could take action. The two of them stared long and hard at each other, Jacob's eyes full of concealed desperation whereas Embry's contained hurt recognition.

"You would throw all this away just to be with him? Just for a _chance_ to be with him?" Embry finally ground out, though it wasn't anger that colored his tone as Jacob had expected, it was betrayal. He didn't know which one hurt more. He didn't even know he could hurt. Maybe Embry had gotten closer to him than he had thought.

"I'm not throwing anything away if there's nothing to throw away in the first place. I'm nobody here, Embry. Nobody real."

"You're Jacob Black," Embry stated, firmly, confidently, "you're Sam's right hand man, feared and renowned member of the Lakeside Wolves." Embry placed a hand on Jacob's arm then, right over the tattoo, reminding him that his identity was already permanently branded on him. And Jacob knew that. He knew the vow he had made to the gang, but he knew in his reawakened heart that it was time to get out. No matter how hard it'll be to find a place in the real world. Whether or not he survived, at least he'll have tried.

"I know you see me as the cold hearted, fearless, hot tempered, and mean...but Embry, that's..." here Jacob had to take a deep breath, "...that's all a front. A mask I put on everyday when I drag myself out of bed so that I can have a chance at survival. Lately, perhaps since Quil's death stopped being agonizing to think about, I have started to think that it'd be so nice to not have to put on the mask, to just live for something rather than simply exist. And I thought I would never feel again, never find my heart again for so long that...now that I'm given the chance to have it back..." He trailed off with a frustrated grunt, at a loss of adequate words to convey what he wanted to say. Fists clenched, Jacob turned and headed up the stairs, hearing, but not acknowledging Embry's footsteps behind him. This may very well be the last time he walked through this house (not that the house had any sentimental value- he didn't do sentimental- but still) and Jacob wanted to focus on the familiarity of the place instead of the rift he knew was opening between him and his best friend.

"Jake," Embry sighed when they got to the top of the stairs, something in his voice made Jacob turn around to look at his friend. "Do you need any help packing?"

Relief crashed through Jacob's mind and he smiled gratefully at Embry.

"Thank you," he said, knowing that Embry was saying that he valued their friendship through letting him choose. "Thank you, Embry. Your support means a lot to me. Honest."

"I can't win arguments with you, Jake, you still have that stubbornness in you. And who am I to tell you that you can't live how you want? If you think think you have a chance at being happier than you are here, then by all means, fight for it. Just promise me you won't go down without a fight, no matter what happens." Embry was avoiding his eyes, not used to saying anything so sincere, and Jacob knew, then, that he had a great friend in Embry that he should've appreciated more. Someday (he hoped) he'll be able to repay Embry for the support.

"I never go down without a fight, Embry. You know that," Jacob said, his tone equal parts light and serious.

"I do. I know you better than you think, Jacob, facade or not," Embry smiled. "Come on. Let's get you and your pretty boy out of here before the rest of gang gets back."

~o~

He had let his guard down. Between the packing (which Embry would explain to Seth and Jacob would explain to Edward later) and the easy camaraderie the four of them found themselves with...he had let his guard down. It had been absent minded on Jacob's part. Lured by the high from Embry and Seth's support, and the beauty of Edward's smiles, he had let his guard down.

They were in Jacob's room doing a last sweep to make sure he had everything that he wanted when it happened.

"What is going on here?" Sam's deep voice washed over the four of them, making everyone freeze. Jacob was the first one to turn around, finding Sam with three other members of the gang standing in the doorway of his room...and goddammit, how could he not have heard them? He should've heard the car coming down the street, should've heard footsteps in the house. There was no hope of getting out of the house without a confrontation and Jacob cursed himself for being so stupid. For one frightening moment, Jacob didn't know how to respond. He didn't know how to answer Sam's question, didn't know if getting out was going to be possible. And Edward was looking to him, questioning, but he didn't know...

"Ah, and who might this be?" Sam asked, his voice dangerous to those who recognized the tone and Jacob realized the Edward was standing closest to the door. He took a step forward but Sam was faster, moving forward like a predator toward Edward who took a step backward. Before Jacob could say anything, Sam had grabbed Edward by the arm and Jacob saw a flash of fear in the green eyes that flitted to him in a silent plea. "Look at me, boy," Sam said and something in his voice made Jacob feel like he had just been drenched in ice. He watched, unsure of what to do, helpless (and what had happened to his fearlessness?), as Edward turned to look at Sam. It was so wrong. The way Sam eyed Edward...it was...disturbing. "So you're the boy that Jacob has been so taken by recently. My, but you are easy on the eyes," Sam drawled. Even from across the room, Jacob could see Edward tense in discomfort...but for reasons he couldn't begin to imagine, he remained rooted to the floor unable to do anything besides clench his fists.

"And Jacob," Sam said, a sinister sneer twisting his mouth, "thank you for bringing your pretty boy here like I asked. I had thought it would've taken more persuasion."

Green eyes turned to him, fearful, questioning, and coldness gathered in the pit of Jacob's stomach, stealing his breath. He was so stupid. So stupid! The only factor that he had thought would work to his advantage was backfiring. He had underestimated Sam. And lord, was there a price to pay. "Come on," Sam smirked, talking to everyone present, "let's show the pretty boy how we live on this side of the city."

"Jake?" Confusion. Fear. There was betrayal swimming in those green eyes...and dammit! He should never have let his guard down.

~o~

**A/N: I don't even know if there's anyone still reading this fic, but if there is, thank you. I'm really, REALLY sorry for the long wait. I lost my muse for a while and school consumed my life as usual. I'm determined to finish this fic, though, so hopefully I'll be updating again soon. **

** Again, thank you for reading.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A City Apart**

**Ch.9**

Jacob was in a stupor. He couldn't think, couldn't react to anything happening around him...and he couldn't figure out why. All that he was seemed to have vanished with the look of betrayal that Edward had given him. All that he was able to do was follow Sam (who still had Edward by the arm) down the stairs and into the main living area of the house, Embry and Seth tailing behind him in anticipatory silence.

When they got to the living room, Sam shoved Edward into the arms of Jared (another one of the gang), eliciting a surprised yell from the green eyed boy...and clearing the fog of uselessness from Jacob's mind.

"Stop it!" he thundered at his gang mates. "Let him go, Jared."

"You're in no place to issue orders, Jacob," Sam laughed. "Jared, don't do anything until I tell you." The slight hesitation on Jared's face gave Jacob the barest hint of hope. Perhaps he still had enough sway to get his fellow gang members to follow him. Perhaps, he could still be the cold hearted monster that everyone feared. Just once more. Just to get his green eyed boy out of here safe and- well, probably not sound. And Edward was looking at him with a guarded look that still hinted at betrayal (and god, why had he been so stupid?! He should never have brought Edward here! Embry was right. He was so stupid.) but there was also trust still, in those eyes. It was barely there, clouded by the hurt, but Jacob could see it, and it gave him the courage to put on that mask.

Deep breath in. He was Jacob Black: cold hearted, selfish, mean, hot tempered... Fearless. And maybe he had changed...but for the last time, he would be Jacob Black as his world knew him.

~o~

"So, pretty boy," Sam started, sauntering up to Edward who looked up at him fearfully, "do you know what each person here had to go through to become a member of my gang?"

"Don't you dare," Jacob growled, stepping forward before Edward had any chance to reply. "Don't you dare, Sam. I'm warning you."

"Please, Jacob. I told you. If he goes through the initiation, you and him can be together for as long as you wish. Don't you want that?" The smirk on Sam's face was one of pure malevolence and Jacob hated it with a cold burn in his chest. But Sam's words did give him pause. Of course he wanted that. Of course. It was the one thing that he wanted.

"So, shall we begin?" Sam drawled. His hand raised in the air ready to strike while Jared's grip tightened on Edward's thin arms. "I get the first hit."

"No!" Jacob cried, tackling Sam to the ground and catching everyone in the room off guard. He couldn't let them hurt Edward. He couldn't. The green eyed boy had given him more happiness in the past few months than Jacob had ever experienced in his life. He had taught him how to smile, how to laugh. And through Edward, Jacob had learned to love, to really love...and that was worth whatever terribleness Jacob was bringing on himself.

He owed it to the green eyed boy to get him out safely, because for a moment in time, Jacob had been so damn happy. For a moment in time, life had been so damn good.

~o~

"Jake!" Edward gasped, but Jacob didn't acknowledge him. Acting on pure instinct and protective rage, Jacob swung his famous fist and hit Sam squarely in the jaw. Perhaps he would regret it later, but at the moment, the feeling of his fist connecting with Sam's face was way too satisfying to think of anything else. Feeling the adrenalin surge through him like a tidal wave, Jacob managed to land another hit before he felt two pairs of hands pulling him back. At first he fought his captors like a hell hound, but quickly ceased his struggle when he realized that it was his friends trying to hold him back (and why were they trying to stop him?!). What he hadn't realized, however, was that the moment he got distracted from his target, Sam had rolled away and gotten to his feet; being the alpha meant that he wasn't so easily fazed by two simple punches. Even if they were punches from Jacob.

Before Jacob or anyone else could move, Sam had torn Edward from Jared and proceeded to lock him in a chokehold. The gasp of fear from Edward sent tremors down Jacob's back and he fought his body for control. Fists clenched, he leveled a glare as cold as death itself at Sam.

"Make the wrong move, Jacob, and I will take the life from your pretty little rich boy so fast that he wouldn't know what hit him," Sam threatened, and Jacob knew he meant it, knew he was capable of doing it. Seth and Embry tightened their hold on him and Jacob scowled inside at his friends, who were just as useless in diffusing this situation as he was. But now was not the time to be useless. He had to do something, and fast. He couldn't just stand here. Who knows what schemes Sam had in his head? "Now, Jacob, what's it gonna be? Let me do what I wish and your boy lives...for the most part. Or do it your way and everyone loses except me?"

"Sam...," Jacob started when he saw Sam's hand tighten a little around Edward's slim throat while he used his free hand to lock around Edward like a vice so that any attempt at struggling by the bronze haired boy would be easily subdued. But Jacob knew negotiation wouldn't work on Sam. And he didn't know what other choice he had. All he knew how to do was fight, but he doubted that even he could act fast enough to save Edward from harm. The hopelessness of the situation had just started to sink in when Embry spoke up.

"Sam, please, this isn't right," Embry said, tentatively. Jacob looked to him in surprise and gratefulness. Embry had never been one to stand up to Sam's authority. Whatever the outcome, Embry must've felt that it was worth a try and Jacob once again wished that he had been a better friend.

"This is hardly your business, Embry," Sam sneered, a cold amusement in his eyes (the arrogant bastard). "Nor yours, Seth. In fact, if you both leave us be, I won't punish you at all for helping Jacob try to escape." And wasn't that nice of him? It was a good offer though and Jacob almost wished that his friends would take the offer and leave. He really didn't want any more people getting hurt on his account.

"Go on guys. It's okay. This isn't your fight," Jacob sighed after a few tense moments when Embry and Seth both seemed like they wanted to stay.

"But, Jake," Embry started while Seth shook his head no.

"Really. Please just go. I don't want you guys to get hurt on my account. This whole mess is my fault. Please, just go. Please." They still hesitated, but Jacob gave Embry a long look that he hoped conveyed his gratefulness at all that Embry had already done. More importantly, he tried to convey that it was okay, that he would never ever hold it against them for leaving. It really wasn't their fight and he alone had to make this right.

When his friends left the house in frustration, Jacob let go of a little bit of the breath he had been holding.

"Jacob Black, reduced to begging," Sam laughed malevolently, "never thought I'd see the day. You were my right hand man, Jacob. Everyone feared you. You had a legendary reputation. And you just threw it all away. For what? For this pretty little thing? You're more stupid than I thought." Jacob could do nothing but glare and ground his teeth in anger at Sam's words. But then, he caught Edward's eye (and the green eyes were looking at him with a great deal of sadness, fear, and a hint of courage) and all the vile things that Sam was saying, has ever said to him, drained from his mind. It didn't matter. He had changed. He had more now. There wasn't much to throw away when he didn't have it in the first place. The life that he had led was fake. The person that he had been was merely a persona. Edward brought out the real him.

And that tore him down and brought him up more than anything Sam could ever say.

~o~

It happened right as Jacob had started to edge minutely closer to Sam. It started out as a thin trickle that froze Jacob in his path; a tiny trail of blood running out of Edward's nose. And before Jacob had the chance to even acknowledge it fully for what it was, the thin trickle turned into a mad flow. Suddenly, blood was covering the hand that Sam had around Edward's throat and Jacob felt adrenaline rush through his body.  
>At the sudden wetness, Sam let out a surprised noise and looked down at his hand. Working on entirely pure adrenaline, Jacob used that opportunity to lunge and swing at Sam's face with a tightly clenched fist. This time, the element of surprise did indeed work to his advantage. By some blind skill, Jacob's fist connected with Sam's face and missed Edward entirely. As Sam fell back with a cry of pain, Jacob felt rather than saw Edward duck out of the way onto the floor. Too caught up in the moment, Jacob only gave Edward the quickest of a cursory glance before turning all of his focus back to Sam. The satisfaction that built in his chest was sickening as his fists landed again and again on Sam's rapidly bruising face. Even though Sam managed to land a couple punches on Jacob in retaliation, he was no matched for his former right hand man. Jacob lost himself to the rage that bloomed like blood in water inside of him. A red haze had descended over him. He could see nothing but Sam's face and his own fists pummeling it. He could hear nothing but the rush of his own blood and the pant of his breath. And he knew that he was in a dangerous position because Jared was still in the room, but he didn't care. Considering everything, Jacob didn't think dying while defending his angel was all that bad of a consequence.<br>"Jacob! Stop!" an all too familiar voice called, and it was only because of the terrified tremble in the sound that the red haze of fury suddenly lifted from around Jacob. Reality slammed into him like a freight train, leaving him panting, disoriented, dizzy. It took a couple seconds, but he managed to gather himself back into the room and found Edward looking at him eyes wide and full of fear. And the realization was a couple moments late but when Jacob realized that Edward was afraid of him... all his anger bled away onto the floor.  
>"Oh god," he groaned, loud and broken. "What have I done?" Jacob looked from the unconscious Sam to his own hands and felt a strange detached sort of horror curling in his stomach. He had just beaten his mentor into unconsciousness and had left Edward afraid of him. What had he done? Darkness was clawing at the edges of his vision and Jacob didn't know if he was about to pass out from the weight of reality or what...but he let himself fade because succuming to it seemed a better alternative to facing the world. He was Jacob Black. He wasn't afraid of the dark.<br>But reality triumphed over the darkness and Jacob found himself being called back into the glaring light of day by the trembling voice of his now tainted angel. "Jake?" And there was so much uncertainty and hurt in Edward's voice that Jacob couldn't turn away. He lifted his eyes to find blood still pouring out of Edward's nose like a waterfall from hell. Edward had a hand to his face, perhaps trying to catch the blood, but there was a pool already in his cupped palm. The sight made Jacob's stomach clench in fear...but what was worse was the look in Edward's eyes. There was no more trust there for him, only a betrayed and fearful look that Jacob never imagined seeing in those green eyes. Edward was looking at him as if Jacob was a feral animal ready to eat him up whole. And that made Jacob's stomach clench in more fear. His breath caught as self disgust thundered through him, leaving him shaking.  
>"Jake?" And then he remembered. He still had to get Edward out of here.<p>

~o~

Jacob dropped to the ground next to Edward and didn't miss the flinch from the bronze haired boy as he did so. He made himself not dwell on it. It wasn't time to be selfish. Maybe everything was in ruins but he had made a promise to save his angel from the rubble his destruction.

"Let's get you back home," Jacob said softly, gently. Defeated. He took off his shirt and held it for Edward to use on his still bleeding nose. Edward peered up at him warily for the briefest of seconds before taking the offered shirt and pressing it tightly to his face. It wasn't really a declaration of forgiveness or anything, but Jacob felt marginally better all the same. "I'm so sorry about everything, E," Jacob whispered and flinched as the nickname slipped out without thought. He didn't deserve to utter it anymore. Not after all this. Edward didn't say anything and Jacob couldn't decide if his silence was worse than words.  
>"Jacob," another voice said and Jacob froze. He had forgotten all about Jared and Colin being in the room. Muscles tensing again in anticipation, he looked up to find his two gang mates crouched next to the still unconscious Sam. Their dark eyes were boring into him with guarded looks that he couldn't read.<br>"I'll fight you guys too if I have to," Jacob said before they could get in another word. "I'm getting Edward out of here whether or not you want me to." His slightly sore fists were just clenching when Jared shook his head.  
>"No, just go, we're not stupid enough to pick a fight with you, Jacob. And this is Sam's business, not ours. Get your friend out of here...and get as far as you can. Sam won't be happy when he wakes up." Sometime in the future, Jacob would admit that he was astonished by how easily his gang mates let him go. It was as if their loyalty to Sam meant nothing. For now though, he was just thankful that they seemed to honor their loyalty to him as a gang brother.<br>"Thank you," he said sincerely and turned to Edward who wasn't really looking at him. "Come on, Edward. Let's go." The nod that Edward gave him was brisk and Jacob told himself that this was expected. If their positions were reversed, he would be wary and angry too. But the hurt that he was feeling didn't stop him from reaching out to help Edward onto his feet and out the house. It was a miracle that Edward didn't shake him off; though the tensing of his body hurt almost just as bad. The walk to the car was filled with a litany of "I'm sorry" from Jacob. He found that saying it over and over was keeping him from just collapsing from grief and self disgust.

Embry and Seth were waiting outside for him and they rushed him and Edward into the car. Jacob didn't know what to say to them so he resorted to hopefully meaningful looks and sincere thanks before pulling out of the driveway as fast as he dared. And he left the only home he had ever known in a spray of pebbles, looking back only briefly because the could see Edward turning paler by the second and that kept him focused on getting his green eyed angel home as fast as possible.

~o~

The car ride was wrought with a tense, stifling silence, so different from their first date. A deep despair was beginning to build in Jacob's chest... and he wondered if Edward was feeling the same. At a stoplight, he allowed himself to look over at Edward, whose body was angled slightly away from him. He still had Jacob's shirt pressed tightly to his face though it was already getting soaked through. "I'm sorry," Jacob said for the thousandths time, knowing that repeating it didn't change anything but he didn't know what else to say. And he was sorry. He was so sorry. Right before the light turned green, emerald eyes caught his and Jacob gave into another wave of despair when he saw the tears threatening to spill from them.  
>"I'm so sorry."<br>The light turned green and Jacob turned his attention back to the road. He felt like crying too, but couldn't really remember how to.  
>"I know, Jake. I know." Sad. So heart broken. So sad.<br>Perhaps it was Jacob's imagination, but it was a little less stifling in the car after that.

~o~

Edward had told him, right before the door had closed, to go find Emmett and Jacob didn't know if he wanted to be happy or sink into further despair when he realized that Edward was trying to help him. The selfish side of him rejoiced that there may be a chance with Edward yet while the better side of him ached at the idea that the bronze haired boy still cared about him. He wouldn't care about himself given the circumstances. But because it had been Edward's parting words, Jacob honored it by going to find Emmett. At the end of the day, it was a better idea than he was capable of coming up with anyway.  
>By some strange twist of fate, Jacob found Emmett at the hospital where he had first met Edward. He was visiting Rosalie, who happened to be the first person Jacob thought of looking for. Because the world was keen on dragging him over every rough patch it had to offer, however, Jacob almost wished that he hadn't found Emmett so soon so that he could prepare himself a little more. Emmett was scrutinizing him with a look that could rival Sam's for scary. A lesser man would've peed their pants by now, and Jacob was having the hardest time not squirming under the steely gaze. And it didn't help that he was trying to keep from falling apart because he couldn't help but think that he had messed up everything he had with Edward.<br>He had told Emmett close to everything...well, enough to get by. It had taken quite a bit of courage on Jacob's part, but he had shown Emmett his tattoo; and just as he expected, Emmett had immediately grown cautious. As an officer working on the streets, he was rather familiar with the meaning of a tattoo like that. It was a credit to the man that he even bothered to stop and listen to Jacob. Jacob told him about needing to leave the gang because he no longer felt like he belonged. His tongue tripped over itself when Jacob had to mention that he and Edward had been dating for months now, it was the first time he had told anyone other than Embry and it was absolutely terrifying. To his immense relief, Emmett only raised an eyebrow at him and left it at that. Then he told Emmett a little about what had happened earlier in the day (and Emmett was NOT happy about that at all) and how he was kind of afraid that Sam would send people after him...and please, could Emmett do anything to help him?  
>"So you're saying you don't have anywhere to go at the moment?" Emmett finally said, eyes boring into Jacob, who was trying to stay calm while meeting that gaze straight on. He had to admit that Emmett's first words surprised him. Of all the things that Jacob had spouted off over the past half hour or so, this was the first thing that Emmett wanted to know? He couldn't dwell on it, but Jacob definitely felt more hopeful.<br>"Yeah. I have my car and the stuff that I want, but that's about it."  
>"And," Emmett paused, as if coming up with the right words, "you decided to leave your gang, whom you have sworn yourself to, because of Edward?" Though Jacob could see that Emmett tried to keep the incredulity out of his voice, he could still hear it. He was slightly surprised but more exhausted than not that the tone didn't anger him as it might've a couple months ago.<br>"Well, yes," Jacob said carefully, then with more conviction, "but it's more than that. These past few months with Edward has really changed me, or at least brought out who I think I'm supposed to be. I've really come to realize that being in the gang wasn't going to be enough for me. That it was only a temporary settlement that I had always been looking for an escape from. There's a lot of things that I've done for the gang that I'm not proud of, and I know that those things will always be a part of me, but I want to move on now. I really do." Jacob gathered up the scattered pieces of his pride while delivering his little speech, and by the time the last syllable hung in the air, he felt his confidence returning- at least enough so that he could feel more than the soul deep exhaustion and ache at everything that had happened.  
>"Okay," Emmett sighed after a long pause, running a hand through his hair. "Okay." Jacob didn't dare to move, didn't dare making a sound in fear of breaking whatever good grace Emmett was apparently operating under today. "Come on, let's get you a place to stay for the night. One of my friends runs this shelter for teens in tough situations like yours. You'll be safe there." The big man got up and Jacob followed suit a beat later, quiet disbelief on his face at being treated so nicely for a change.<br>"Thank you," he said sincerely, catching and holding Emmett's eyes. "Thank you."  
>Emmett smiled a little, and it made him look so much nicer than before. "There may be hope for you yet, Jacob. And as long as I don't hear that you've hurt Edward in anyway, I'll help you figure it out, don't worry."<br>Despite himself, Jacob couldn't help the slightly worried crease in his forehead at those words. But then, he told himself that he had never hurt Edward in any way, so he had nothing to worry about. Because the world had decided to give him a freebie in the name of Emmett's kindness, for once, he was right.

~o~

Alone in an unfamiliar room that night, Jacob laid awake, unable to sleep with all the thoughts racing in and out of his mind. What a limbo this was, being adrift, totally on his own with only the aid of a person he barely knew to lean on. Edward was gone, for now. Hopefully not forever (and Jacob had promised Embry he would never go down without a fight so he wouldn't). But Edward being gone was the one thing that kept eating at him. Edward had been the only true tie between Jacob and this side of the city, this side of the world. Without the green eyed boy guiding him, how would he ever manage to make anything out of himself? And that was so stupid, being so dependent on another person. Jacob hated himself for even thinking like this. Hated himself, too, for wondering if Edward hated him too.

~o~

The next day, with nothing better to do, Jacob wrote Edward a letter (or at least tried to), hoping to ask for forgiveness (because he wasn't ready to just give up on the green eyed boy) through words which he had never been all that great at. He had to try, though, so he sat for three hours scribbling away at pieces of paper that he kept having to crumble up and toss in the trash By the end, Jacob's hair was in a state of disarray, having been subjected to his hands running through it in frustration... and there was no note for his effort. Throwing his pen across the room, Jacob let his head slam into the desk, trying to calm his racing heart. After a couple breaths, he stood and retrieved the pen. Less than twenty minutes, he had a sketch of a hand handing a single flower to another. Underneath the picture, he wrote simply: _I hope you'll forgive me for hurting you. I'm sorry that I let everything get so messed up. I hope that you're okay. _  
>He folded up the paper and placed it on the desk to give to Emmett- who had promised to stop by later in the day- so that Emmett can give it to Edward. Then, right before he handed it to Emmett, Jacob quickly scribbled two more lines: <em>I know it's only been a day and everything is still a mess, but I miss you. Please sleep well tonight.<em>

~o~

The next day, Peter, Emmett's friend who ran the shelter, gave Jacob a note from Edward. Jacob left it on the desk, unopened, for most of the day. He was afraid of what he might find in there. If Edward was putting an end to what they had (still have)... Jacob didn't know if he could deal with that right now. The thought of the unopened note drove him crazy. By the time he finally worked up the nerve to open it, he was strung as tight as a bowstring. He unfolded the paper with slightly trembling hands and briefly marveled at the neat script that was so unlike his untidy scrawl before reading it.  
><em>Jake. I had to have another platelet and blood transfusion, but I'm okay. Thanks for asking.<br>I admit that I was really scared yesterday. I've never imagined I'd be in a situation like that. I've never imagined seeing you beat up somebody like that either. You really scared me, Jake. And I was hurt that you knew it would happen and yet still took me to your place.  
>But I've thought about it...and I'm already starting to forgive you. I know you only did what you did because you didn't know any better. I know that you would never intentionally try to hurt me. That's all that matters right now.<br>Give me a couple days, Jake. I need to think things through. I still really care about you and...I have to admit I'm not ready to give up on us. What we had meant a lot to me.  
>-E<em>

_PS. I miss you too._

~o~

After reading the note, Jacob felt a lot of his tension melt away. Edward still cared enough about him to try again, and that was more than Jacob had hoped for. Things would be okay. Between Jacob's stubbornness and Edward's beautiful soul, they would make it so.  
>He read the note over and over again (feeling so pathetic as he did so but not caring) before folding it carefully and putting it on his desk. Pen in hand, he then proceeded to draw something else for Edward. He wasn't good at words, but that was okay. He had his art, and it would convey just as much meaning as Edward's carefully written script.<br>Over the next few days, the two of them traded notes back and forth. Edward's notes grew longer in length as he told Jacob about his days and about how he missed them being back together. Jacob's drawings grew more elaborate and beautiful as he tried to convey his still fiery feelings for Edward through the images and the short simple sentences that he wrote. A week later, Jacob was pretty sure that Edward had (for the most part) forgiven him. The thought led Jacob to drawing a portrait of what Edward had looked like the first time they kissed, a drawing that he spent two hours on, each stroke of the pencil a delicate caress. Underneath it, he wrote simply: _I want to see you again._

~o~

He didn't get a reply from Edward the next day...and Jacob tried not to let himself drown in disappointment. Edward was probably composing an extra long reply...or something. It probably wasn't a big deal. But the reply didn't come the day after either, nor the day after that. By the fourth day, Jacob was getting really worried but didn't really know how to voice his concern without sounding like a total idiot. He kept checking with Peter, who only shook his head and reassured him that it would come (bless his heart for being so patient). Then on the morning of the fifth day without a reply to his last note, Jacob woke to find Emmett knocking on his door.  
>"Come with me, Jacob," Emmett said as a way of greeting, making the unease that had been building in Jacob's stomach grow a little more. On closer inspection, Jacob saw that Emmett had bags under his eyes that weren't there five days ago; and that got his heart racing as he imagined worst case scenarios. Something was wrong. He knew it. For some reason, though, he couldn't quite bring himself to ask and the car ride was filled with an uncomfortable, weary silence.<br>The dread that had been building in Jacob's stomach choked the breath from him when Emmett pulled into a hospital parking lot, the hospital where Jacob had met his frail angel, his reason for living instead of just existing.

~o~

**A/N:** **Thank you to all who reviewed the last chapter! And special thanks to those who are still continuing to read the story. Hopefully, I'll get the next update up before the end of break. Keep your fingers crossed. **


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